The Beginning of the End
by Hashra
Summary: Complete. Liz is determined to keep the end of the world and Future Max a secret. But the pod squad is putting the pieces together, and Liz may be required to give up more than she could have dreamt of to protect those she loves.
1. Disclaimer and Acknowledgements

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, just some of their personality quirks. Though, if Metz and Katims are willing to sell, they would all be mine. Music isn't mine either. A shame, I enjoy Evanescence, Coldplay, and Dido way too much. It's starting to border on obsession... no wait, that's Roswell I'm talking about... odd.  
  
Acknowledgements:  
  
To Tara- for continually supporting my need to write about my passions and never letting me settle for anything less than my best.  
  
To Jenni- for always making my lack of balance and my inability to escape dyslexic speech a thing to laugh about; and for putting up with my fixations with a sympathetic smile and miniscule eye roll. Fitcher's Birdies.  
  
To Susan- for understanding me when no one else ever could, and loving me for my all of my accomplishments and none of my faults.  
  
To Shannon, Lindsey, Katy, and Josh: your inside jokes and endearing qualities made my story more about our own lives and less about the characters'.  
  
Finally, to everyone who experienced each unfolding situation alongside the characters of Roswell. To those who laughed when they laughed, cried when they cried, chewed their fingernails raw in fear when they feared- for those who were right by their side whatever the cost- to my fellow obsessors: this one's for you. 


	2. Reminiscence

_'...Everything and nothing has changed since that day. Trust has dissipated: our closely knit friendships haveworn thin, and my life is the shunned, voiceless avatar of some higher being, intent on destroying everything in its path. Damn the ripple effect.'_

_- from the later journals of Elizabeth Parker_

_

* * *

_

Liz sighed and rubbed her eyes roughly. She hadn't been getting much sleep since the horrible incident almost a month ago. Every time she closed her eyes, all she could see was Max's destroyed face as he stared at her and Kyle under the sheets together from the balcony of her bedroom. Biting her lower lip and forcing a sob back down her throat, Liz pulled out the bottle of mixed vitamins and aspirin Maria had given her. 'Two Echinacea, two Vitamin C, one Iron, and two aspirin...wait, better make that four aspirin.' She swallowed them with a soda, nearly gagging by the time she made it to the last pill. She felt heavy, like she was standing in quicksand.

Liz lowered her head to rest against the cool countertop when she heard the jingle of the door being opened. Groaning inwardly, she forced herself to fully stand up as two blurry forms made their way into her section. She rubbed her eyes again in an attempt to lessen the fuzziness in her head as two more people walked in and sat at the same table as the others. She didn't need to see straight to know who they were. Liz could sense Max's presence as if he were standing right next to her. She could practically feel his hot breath on the back of her neck. The other three in the group were just a process of elimination. Maria was picking up an order from Michael, who was working the grill, so it was obvious who the other three were: Isabel, Alex, and Tess.

Tess...god she was frustrating. Liz truly believed that Tess was a good person at heart, but she was sure making it difficult for Liz. If she had to hear one more time about how important Max's destiny was, Liz was going to lose all of the restraint she had left and put Tess in the hospital.

Liz blinked suddenly, realizing time had still been moving even though she wasn't on the boat, and saw that Maria had walked over to take their order. She glanced back at Liz and gave her and understanding nod. Liz smiled back appreciatively. Thank god she had told Maria the truth. Thank god someone else knew the facts, at least. She hadn't told Maria everything though. Liz hadn't told her about the times when it wasn't about business other than that she and Max were supposed to get married. The Elvis Chapel in Vegas, the dive outside Phoenix, and their wedding song. Maria knew all that, but she didn't know about the final moments: her tears, the dance, the unending grief. Liz had explained everything as if it didn't hurt, like she was witnessing everything instead of experiencing it. But Maria didn't need to be told all of those things. She knew Liz would talk about it when she was ready. "If" was probably more the word. "If" she was ready. The sound of Maria's voice rattled her out of her thoughts.

"Hey chica, I have a date with Space boy tonight, and since there are only like five actual customers I was thinking we could close up shop early."

"Sure," Liz said faintly. "Why don't you guys just head out now? I can close up without you."

"Are you joking? You're sick as it is!" Maria harped.

"Maria, you haven't had a night off in a month. You deserve to have some fun for once; don't use me as an excuse to worry."

"Don't 'Maria' me Liz. You shouldn't have been working in the first place! You're sick; you should be in bed right now. God, just seeing you waitress this past week has been physically painful to watch and I have an ulcer to show for it."

Liz forced a fake smile to her lips in an attempt to dissuade her. "Look, I'm fine. I'm not sick; I'm just... a little off my game lately, and you're right- I'm really exhausted. I'd like to go to bed as soon as I can but arguing over this is pointless because I'm not going to budge. All you are doing is postponing the inevitable and furthermore keeping me away from an almost perfect evening of scented candles, mood music, and warm cotton bed sheets," Liz rambled.

Maria sighed dejectedly. "Alright, alright. Just promise me you'll get in bed as soon as you're done." Liz rolled her eyes.

"I promise mother."

"Don't you forget it chica!" Maria laughed_.  
_

* * *

Max lowered his gaze from Liz's retreating form as she and Maria disappeared into the back room. He knew he shouldn't still come to the Crashdown after seeing Liz and Kyle in bed together, but his feet seemed to have an alternative agenda. He lost not only the love of his life, but also his best friend in a single moment. 'God, I miss her.' Her smile, her shining eyes, her opinions, and the look he had thought she saved only for him. Max knew Liz was lying to him about something, but he wasn't sure what it was. He prayed that she was lying to him about Kyle and she hadn't really slept with him. He desperately hoped that he was wrong about himself. That he wasn't some unlovable monster, some horribly vile thing that no one should have to be around.

Max prayed Liz could prove him wrong. If only she would look him in the eyes! Her amber eyes were always so honest, they were his undoing. Max remembered how his stomach always did flips if she so much as looked in his general direction. It still did, even after everything that has happened between them. Now though, there was a slicing pain in his gut that accompanied it, a constant realization that he'd lost everything he held dear. But Max welcomed this small torture because it stood to remind him that he was still alive, and he knew that just having the ability to see Liz in this small unimportant way made him a better person. The person she always knew he could be.

Max clenched his fists as he assaulted himself with images of Liz and Kyle until that empty feeling returned. The emptiness that made him feel as though he was being ripped apart, like he was dying, like he was back in the white room. He shuddered, and forced the thought away as Liz and Maria walked back into the diner. Liz looked so pale and worn out, her feet barely leaving the ground as she trudged over to some customers and offered to refill their drinks. She took their glasses and walked toward the soda machine, her body seeming to match the gentle sway of the music flowing through the room from the radio. Max knew the song well and closed his eyes, humming a few bars to himself. He relaxed a little, only to be startled by the sound of shattering glass and Maria's broken, high pitched scream.


	3. Shattering the Delicate Facade

_"There are songs out there that pull a reaction out of you. You hear them, and you want to dance, or laugh, or cry, and your heart aches in understanding. Somehow, everything just fits right with how you're feeling - the chords, the beat, the words. The song is directing your emotions, and it seems like it was created for you, and you alone. That the person singing is playing a melody using your soul as their heart's strings - to do with as they wish. But the more you hear it, the less you feel that ache welling up in your throat, the less you feel the notes reverberating through your blood. You become numb to it, and forget everything it stands for. I don't want to forget._

_I'll never forget. Ever."_

_-from the later journals of Elizabeth Parker_

* * *

"Can I get you guys a refill?" Liz asked politely. She fought off the urge to vomit and forced a faint smile at the nice family, swallowing the bile that rose in her throat. Liz turned away with their empty glasses and felt like something was wrong but she couldn't put her finger on it. Not that her finger had enough energy to be placed on anything. Maria was putting on her coat, Michael was turning off the burners in the back, and Alex, Isabel, Max, and Tess were sitting in their usual booth. Liz shrugged. It must have been her imagination. She walked toward the soda machine and realization hit her like a ton of bricks as the soft music in the background added a vocalist.

_'Come to me now  
And lay your hands over me  
Even if it's a lie  
Say it will be alright  
And I shall believe...'_

The glasses slipped out of her hands and crashed into the floor. Her own body followed suit and crumpled into the shards, slicing through her delicate skin. Sobs began to wrack Liz's body as Maria started to scream. "Liz!" Maria shrieked. She was at Liz's side in an instant. "What is it? You have to tell me what's wrong. Oh god, oh god you're shaking, what can I do? What is it...?" Liz put her violently shaking hands over her ears as the tears continued pouring down her face. Maria realized the importance of the song playing over the radio. 

_'Open the door  
And show me your face tonight  
I know it's true  
No one heals me but you  
And I shall believe...'_

It was Sheryl Crow's "I Shall Believe". Liz's wedding song. From the wedding she was never going to have. "Oh crap, this is bad," Maria said to no one in particular. "Michael! Get that song off now!"

Michael's look of horror and concern turned into determination as he bolted through the back door to do as Maria instructed. Alex quickly shoved the last of the customers out and Isabel did the only thing she could think of and ran to the sink to get a wet washcloth. Max was on his feet and in a run towards Liz when Maria's voice stopped him in his tracks.

"Liz, look at me! Look at me! It's just a song. He's gone now. He's gone and he's never coming back to do anything to make you hurt ever again. You did the right thing," Maria said emotionally. Liz was breathing too heavily and she knew she should try to calm down but she couldn't. She felt like she was drowning and couldn't come up for air.

Max was confused. None of this made any sense. Who's gone? Maria forced Liz to look at her. "Liz, you've got to hang on ok? It's time for you to be the Teflon babe. You shouldn't have to, but you know what's at stake. You know what lies down that other road, and I know that the end of it is not where you want to be. You've got me to help you, and I promise I won't let you go through this on your own." Maria sensed Max was about to interrupt her and she put a hand up to prevent shit from really hitting the fan. "I love you Liz, and no matter what I'll be there for you... but you have to keep fighting ok?"

Tess wiped at her eyes, confused. She didn't understand what was going on at all, but she could feel Liz's pain and anguish. Her sadness seemed to seep out of her bones and slither into the very core of Tess' being, leaving no corner untouched, and no space unaffected by her endless pain. Max was standing next to Maria who was kneeling in front of Liz. Liz raised her eyes to meet his and right before her, his hair grew to his chin and the casual clothing he had been wearing seemed to shimmer, rippling and morphing into black leather. His face had become hard, callused after years of fighting a seemingly endless war. His eyes no longer held the innocence and naivety that comes with youth. She found herself face to face with the 31 year old Max. The one that should not exist.

"No! You're... you're not real!" Liz screamed as Max reached his hand out to run his fingers along her skin. She slid her body backwards along the floor and away from him. Max was normally pretty reserved with his emotions, but the hurt he felt was displayed openly across his face. She was afraid of him? He would never hurt her. He would die before he ever let anything happen to her. Realization dawned on Maria.

"No Liz, that's not him. That's OUR Max." Liz shook her head in an attempt to clear her mind. When she looked back at Max, he was his normal old self again. Liz turned to Maria.

"I keep seeing him Maria... I don't feel like I did the right thing. I feel like a liar." Tears coursed down her cheeks.

"You did do the right thing chica, you did." The group was circled around the two friends and Alex stepped into it to embrace them both tightly. God he wished he could cure the ache in Liz's fractured heart somehow. If he only knew why she was hurting. Liz shoved her friends away and skidded against the bottom of the countertop.

"Did I!" Liz screamed at them as she yanked her hands back from the ground quickly. She had felt her skin splitting sharply as the glass covering the floor pierced her wrists and palms, like adding kerosene to a fire.

"Yes, you did," Maria told her fiercely. "We all need you here. Isabel needs you to break through her Ice-Queen attitude; Michael needs the sister he never knew he had, and Alex needs his closest confidant. Even Tess needs you, though she's too far into denial to realize it. Max needs you Liz. He needs the woman he can talk to about anything; he needs the other half of his soul. They're all just too stubborn and pig-headed to admit it." Liz closed her eyes and sucked in a hard breath, burning her lungs as she nodded slowly. Maria ran a hand through Liz's hair and wiped away at her own tear stained cheeks. Alex scooted forward.

"I'm not stubborn. I need you Liz. More than you will ever know," his voice cracked as he finished.

Maria smiled. "I know." She looked at Liz, seeing the reserved and empty look now occupying her face. She had been able to suppress the anguish again, which was all that Maria could ask for.

"That's my Teflon girl," she said quietly as she hugged Liz to her. She then tried to push away the thought of just why Liz had lost her composure so badly.

Max ran a hand through his disheveled hair and let out a ragged breath. She wasn't afraid of him! He thought back to earlier. 'Prove me wrong, Liz. Proved that I'm not what I fear myself to be.' But she couldn't hear his silent pleas because of whatever it was that was going on with her. He didn't need to touch her to know what she was feeling. Liz had been broadcasting her emotions so strongly it had nearly made him double over in pain. Max could feel her guilt like a black hole sucking him in, nearly engulfing him. He had felt her distressing agony she was in, and it seemed to mirror his own before it swiftly began to grow, becoming what felt like a thousand times more powerful. Max had clutched himself into a fetal position and tried to sift through all the emotions which were gliding along his nerves. So much pain. But beneath all of her sorrow and heartbreak was her love for her friends, including Max. The last thing he felt from her before she started to calm down was the strongest, the most insistent at being heard. Her constant need to protect Michael and Isabel's lives. And somehow as if doing so, she protected everyone else's lives as well.

"It's just a song, right?" Maria asked. Liz closed her eyes then nodded, and Maria turned to face Michael. "Space boy, help me take her upstairs?" He nodded, but kept his eyes on the floor. "Max, please take Isabel and Alex home. Michael and I can clean up the damage." Maria shot a 'don't-let-him-come-back-tonight' glance over to Isabel who got her drift. She'd just hide his keys and glue him to the floor...again. It was the least she could do. Michael scooped Liz into his broad arms and followed Maria up the stairs before Max had a chance to protest.

Michael was secretly glad he was the one assigned to the job of carrying Liz upstairs. Maria was right that he would never admit how much he needed Liz. She was like Max in always trying to keep him out of trouble, but she was also the one person he could turn and spill his guts to without being judged or held in contempt. She accepted him as he was. This was why this whole think with Kyle didn't make any sense. Michael hugged her closer to his chest and sighed. He'd think about that tomorrow, now wasn't the time. Right now he just needed to protect her. He needed her as much as he needed Maria. Michael smiled at this. He'd never admit to that either. Liz's eyes were drooping by the time he reached her bathroom. Michael laid her on the floor and pulled off her shoes and socks while Maria pulled out the first aid kit. She instructed him towards Liz's dresser where he found a white tank top and a pair of fuzzy blue pajama pants with penguins printed on them. Liz's "Sigmund" pants, Maria had called them. She had explained that Liz had nicknamed them that after Freud so she'd always have something to wear while needing to talk about her problems. Michael walked back down into the cafe after Maria began taking off Liz's uniform. She pulled a large chunk of glass out of Liz's arm and wiped at the fresh blood coursing from the cut. Liz opened her eyes a little.

"You really gave us a scare today you know," Maria whispered soothingly in Liz's ear.

"I'm sorry" was Liz's faint reply as she winced. Maria smiled and hugged her best friend to her, rocking her back and forth.

"I know babe, I know" she said. Maria finished bandaging Liz's arms and tucked Liz into bed, then went back down to the café to help Michael clean up the mess. He was scrubbing Liz's blood off the floor as he looked up to see Maria walk through the back door, wiping at her puffy red eyes. Standing up, Michael walked over to her and kissed her forehead. She sighed and hugged him, then pulled away and began to put the pile of glass in one of the trash bins.

"Her blood was all over the floor. Are her cuts pretty bad?" Michael asked, unsure if he really wanted to know the answer. Maria rubbed her forehead.

"I think so, but I'm not a doctor. I bandaged her up as best I could for now until I can figure out what to do. I'll spend the night here to keep an eye on her and take her to the hospital in the morning to have her looked over." Maria sighed as

Michael scrunched up his eyes and scratched the back of his head in thought.

"Figure out what to do? The hospital? Jesus Maria, I'll just have Max come by tomorrow and heal her. Lord knows he probably wants to be here anyways-"

Maria cut him off. "No, he can't heal her! I mean, uh wouldn't that like... put you guys in even more danger?"

Michael raised an eyebrow. "No more in danger than usual. What's with you Maria? Max will just come over tomorrow and everything will be-"

"But if he does that he'll connect..." Oh no, Maria thought. _'You've done it now. Twice in one day, god PEOPLE'S LIVES ARE AT STAKE!'_ Maria screamed in her head. "...with her..." she finished quietly. She wasn't prepared for the smirk that played across Michael's face.

"The jealous beast rears its head. It's none of your business if Max and Liz connect, Maria. It's their personal life."

"I'm not jealous," Maria retorted. "And you're one to talk. I distinctly remember you getting up in Max's personal life and telling him he couldn't fall for Liz. Besides, I'm just doing my friend a favor."

Michael laughed. "It's not like she asked you to make sure Max didn't connect with her." Michael rolled his eyes as he finished wiping up the floor. But a lump formed in his throat as he saw the look on Maria's face. "Oh no, tell me she didn't..."

"Alright, you need to leave now."

"But-"

"No, you need to go right now. Don't bring this up to the others. Please, Michael. It would destroy Max, and it's not for the reasons you think."

"Oh yeah? Then what is her reason, Maria?" Michael argued. Maria's lowered eyes slowly raised up to meet his. They looked so tired.

"She's protecting him, Michael." He stared at her a short while and then nodded, incorrectly thinking he understood. _'Max wouldn't want to see images of Liz and Kyle together,'_ Michael thought as he walked out of the Crashdown and headed home. He decided to go talk to Max and Isabel in the morning anyways. He turned the key in the lock and opened the door. It creaked and groaned as he shut it. Tossing his keys in a change dish and massaging the back of his neck with one hand, Michael plopped on the sofa and yawned. _'Sleep... need sleep.'_ But he wouldn't get what he asked for that night. No one in the group did. No one that is, except Liz.


	4. Figures of Speech

_'Sometimes, I wish I knew what they were thinking when I look back on what has been. Max, Isabel, and Michael, that is. Their abilities had advantages and disadvantages, as does everything in life. The eight of us understood each other, trusted each other, and put our lives on the line for each other. We even loved each other. I guess it's ironic to me, how even after all we had been through, it was still THEM and US. ALIENS and HUMANS. THEM and US. Never WE. _

_Never WE.'_

_-from the later journals of Elizabeth Parker_

* * *

Max squinted as he pulled the drapes open. Michael rolled his eyes and stopped tapping on the glass pane, waiting impatiently as Max opened the window and motioned him inside. 

"You know, the sun is out. You can use the front door like a normal person." Max sighed, rubbing his eyes. Michael stopped in mid-motion as if he was suddenly struck with a thought, and then shrugged.

"Since when have I been normal?" Max gave him a smile that didn't reach his eyes. None of his smiles were actually genuine since before Kyle.

"Figure of speech."

"I know. Listen; get Isabel because we need to talk about what happened. I didn't get any sleep and-"

"So none of us slept last night," Isabel stated, startling both Max and Michael who turned to see her standing in the doorway. "I agree. We definitely have a lot to talk about." They followed Isabel in to the living room. Max sunk down onto the couch and put his head in his hands, his elbows resting on his knees. Isabel could see his weariness in how he held himself. Slumped over, wishing he could just fade away, rubbing the inner corners of his red and swollen sleep depraved eyes. Michael sat down in the chair across from him, looking like his usual self. Then again, Isabel had always doubted that he ever slept at all. She sat down next to Max and crossed her legs, her left arm draping loosely over the side of the couch. "So what exactly happened last night?" she asked carefully.

"I think it's safe to say that Liz freaked out," Michael said, making sure Isabel was able to note his sarcasm. She made a face.  
"You know what I mean. What happened to make her lose it like that? She's usually so collected." She locked eyes with Max as she said this.

"It was the song playing on the radio," he responded quietly.

"Huh?"

"It was that song by Sheryl Crow," he stated, his voice a little stronger. Michael jumped in.

"Yeah, what was with that? Maria only asked me to turn off the radio, but it was like she was asking for something that was a matter of life and death."

"No, there's got to be more to it than that. I mean, no one flips out like that just because they don't like the song" Isabel countered.

"Maybe it wasn't the song in general," Max said. Michael and Isabel looked at him, confused. "What I mean is, back when Liz and I were... happy, she had told me how much she loved that song. That it struck a chord in her somehow, like it would come to mean something to her someday. So what if it wasn't the song itself, but what the song represents? What if that song has to do with whatever it is that's hurting her?"

It continued on like this for a while, the three of them talking about what happened until Michael brought up what Maria had told him after everyone had left. He knew Maria would probably kill him for it later, but Michael couldn't keep the information a secret from Max. He knew somehow that the information Maria had divulged was a pertinent piece of the puzzle. He could feel it whispering along his brain and forcing his mouth open with intense furor. After Michael finished telling what he had heard, he turned to Max, who looked like he wanted to either cry or explode in anger. Max jumped to his feet and began pacing the room frantically.

"But why wouldn't she want to connect with me? Does she hat me that much?" Michael patted him on the shoulder and shook his head knowingly.

"I know what I felt last night Maxwell. Trust me, hate wasn't one of them."

Isabel stepped in. "I agree. Maybe there's something she doesn't want you to know. Something she doesn't want anyone to know."

"Except Maria?" Max asked, his voice laced with sarcasm and anger. "This is so stupid. How can she keep secrets from us? She been lying to us for the past month and I'm sick of it!"

"We all are," Michael agreed, attempting to comfort him.

"It's like I don't even know who she is anymore. She's like two different people. I know I can trust her to help us find out more about ourselves and I know I can trust her to put her life on the line for us, but I can't trust her has a friend anymore." Isabel said, becoming frustrated by her conflicting feelings. Max nodded.

"She's a total stranger to me, and I'm pretty sure I don't like the person she has become."

All responses to Max's statement were cut short when an angry shriek bounded through the room. "I should have known, you fucking backstabbing traitors!" Maria yelled angrily as she flung hot coffee at their feet.


	5. The Breaking Point

_'It's hard to know when to say things and when to sit back and keep silent. Often enough, the one time you find yourself saying something is the one time when you shouldn't - when people are actually listening. Not just listening, but hearing too - and comprehending. And how do you take that back? Can words be revoked? Once they are spoken, it doesn't matter anymore - because once they've been spoken, they are brought into existence. After that, it doesn't really matter anymore.'_

_-from the later journals of Elizabeth Parker_

* * *

Maria and Alex left the hospital with a bounce in their step. Liz had acted perfectly normal that morning. It was like she knew what happened, but wouldn't let it get her down. Liz wanted them to check on Max, Michael, and Isabel, and they argued with her all the way to the hospital. Though she was weak from blood loss, Liz still won. So off they trudged to check up on the "Czechoslovakians" and make sure they were doing alright. Maria knew what this really meant: do whatever damage control she could until Liz could handle it personally. Maria suggested grabbing them some coffee because she had the feeling that their night had been the same as her and Alex's: sleepless. They were probably like walking zombies right now.  
Maria could tell that Alex wanted to badger her with questions, but he knew better than to ask right now. It was time to be the supportive friend. In his years of experience, Alex had learned to be the shoulder to cry on first, and to ask questions later.

Maria balanced the coffee as they got out of the car in front of the Evans' house. Michael hadn't been at his place, so she assumed he was probably here. Thank god Phillip and Diane were out of town visiting some friends. Alex glanced through the window as they walked up the driveway and saw Max, Michael, and Isabel in the living room deep in discussion.

"Well, they're both up and Michael's here too so I guess that will eliminate the need to ring the doorbell. I'm going to go check on Liz. She'll probably need a ride home."

Maria nodded, not really paying attention to what Alex had said. He got back in the car and pulled out of the driveway as Maria walked the rest of the way up to the front door. Her lack of focus automatically ended as she heard a clip of conversation from Max, Michael, and Isabel through the screen door, jolting her into awareness. She suddenly felt anger boiling in her stomach, hot like molten lava, and spiraling within her as she walked into the Evans' living room.

"I should have known, you fucking backstabbing traitors!" she yelled, her fury shooting through the room like an ice pick. Max and Isabel immediately felt guilty at being overheard talking about Liz so negatively, and Michael was just praying Maria wouldn't annihilate him on the spot. She flung the coffee she had brought for them at their feet and it splashed them as they stood up. "How dare you, any of you! She has risked her life for you so many times and this is how you repay her? Not to mention the fact that she's so busy fixing your stupid mistakes that no one can even recognize her!" she cried, her glare directed specifically to Max. "Her parents don't even know who she is anymore, and she's had to give up every friend she's ever known that hasn't been let in on your stupid little secret! Liz eats, sleeps, drinks, and breathes your lie everyday of her life. She has always given everything she has to the three of you and look where that got her." After sending multiple glares about the room, she looked pointedly at Max again and said quieter, "Liz has given up every ounce of happiness she has ever experienced to benefit the three of you and you don't even know it." Maria started crying then and they all stood there for a short while, afraid to say anything that may re-invoke Maria's anger.

Michael was first to break the silence. "Look Maria, we're sorry about what we said pertaining to Liz. But she's a different person, and frankly I miss the Liz I've been so envious that Max had in his life."

"It's called adapting," Maria stated caustically. "She's doing her best with what she has to work with, and she's doing a much better job than I ever would have. Liz deserved more than this, she deserved to be able to trust the people she calls friends!"

"And we deserve to know the truth Maria, not to be lied to by a girl too ashamed to fight her own battles and whose best friend does it for her!" Max yelled, his anger rising. The impact of Maria's fist sent Max sprawling to the floor, clutching his jaw. His anger dissipated and turned to horror as he wiped blood from his lower lip.

"I'm fighting her battles because she WON'T! She won't protect her honor; she'd rather have all of you think ill of her than to be forced to recount what she's had to go through. She's trying to spare you the pain of knowing what she knows; don't any of you ever hate her for that, for wanting you to have a better life." Maria paused, and focused her attention directly to Max who was still sitting on the floor. She bent down slowly and grinned at him like a Cheshire cat, making his blood run cold in his veins. "I hope she gets over this whole 'It's my duty' trip and tells you what's really going down. Hell, I'd tell you myself if I could but I'm a loyal friend and I won't do that to her." Max looked away, feeling the shame and guilt begin to eat away at him. Maria was right. He had told Liz he wanted to start again, to be friends. And here he sat, still holding her in contempt, still judging her, and still raising her up on an invisible pedestal that she herself had told him she could never live up to.  
As if reading his mind, Maria said curiously, "Is that guilt I see on perfect Maxie's face?" Her face turned to stone. "You don't even know what guilt is. But you will, I can promise you that. I'd like to be there when she cracks and you find out the truth. Just to see the look on your face."

"Maria..." Michael tried to interrupt.

"Shut up," she said passively, all of her attention focused directly on Max. She sighed and shook her head at him as if it were hopeless to try and explain it to him. "Did you ever stop and think that just maybe the truth is worse than the lie? It won't set you free Max, it will suck you down into so deep a hole the likes of which even god himself has never seen." Maria laughed suddenly, cold and sharp as if she was an animal playing with her dinner. She turned toward Michael with a smile played across her lips. He had never seen Maria this dangerous before, this close to jumping off the edge. "This is all his fault you know," she said to Michael as she turned back to Max and wiped a stray hair out of his eyes, causing him to flinch. "If you would have stopped being such a dick to Tess, we wouldn't be in this mess. You keep fucking everything up and Liz is always right behind you in the shadows, picking up the pieces. I used to think you were the perfect guy. Liz was so lucky to be in love with someone who loved her as much as you did. Sensitive, humble, considerate, passionate, a king, a leader. Even after everything you've forced her to live through, I still consider you to be a decent guy, which is why I'm telling you this: you were right to put Liz up on that pedestal Max, to spend all those years believing you didn't deserve her because you don't. None of you deserve her." She paused for a moment as a thought crossed her mind. "How is Tess by the way? I'm sure you two have gotten pretty close by now. Does her body fit against yours perfectly like Liz's? Are her lips fuller? Softer?"

Max could take no more and stood up, anger and tears simmering in his eyes. "Fuck you Maria!" he yelled, enraged. "She slept with Kyle. She betrayed me and I'm being lectured on loyalty and trust!"

"You weren't even together!" Maria cried incredulously. "Not to mention that when she finally got you to come around enough to be a man and admit you two should be together(after all of those 'we're not meant to be' comments), in walks Tess and it's okay for you to slip her the tongue while Liz is forced to watch. Right after you'd given her your speech on how she was the only one for you. What do you call that, Max? Practice?" Maria screamed.

Michael and Isabel's jaws dropped as they looked to Max for an explanation. It dawned on them both suddenly, like hitting the eye of a storm. So that's why Liz was so edgy around Tess. Liz normally got along with everyone, and both Michael and Isabel had always wondered why Liz did everything in her power to be as far away from Tess as possible.  
Max glared at Maria. "That was because Tess and I were designed to be together. I had no control-"

"But Liz didn't know that Max," Maria protested. "None of us did. And she stood by you regardless. Even after that second speech to explain what happened. 'It was more than attraction, Liz. I had a flash with her'" Maria imitated perfectly. "One of your and Liz's flashes Max."

"She told you about that?" Max choked out. He hadn't thought that she had told anyone because no one had treated him any differently than they usually did. He thought back to what he had said then and realized what it must have sounded like to her. It made him want Maria to beat the crap out of him. How could he have done that to her? Said that to her?

"Of course she did. She was on the verge of loosing everything she cared about. The point is that she still supported you. She set her feelings aside and put her own life on the line with Tess and Nesado. That is TRUST and LOYALTY." Maria replied sarcastically.

"Max, did you really do that to Liz?" Isabel gasped. Max tried to get a hold on his bearings.

"But that was different-," he barked.

"No it wasn't and you know it," Maria said, rubbing the back of her neck.

"-There were extenuating circumstances-" Max began again.

Michael scratched his forehead and asked quietly, "What if there were extenuating circumstances for Liz too?"

"There aren't any!" Max bit off flatly. "She would have told us what was going on." Michael was about to say something else when Maria jumped in.

"Stop siding with me, you hypocrites!" she shouted at Isabel and Michael. "You two should talk! Isabel, you used this destiny crap as an excuse to treat Alex like he didn't matter. And Michael, I caught you cheating on me with Courtney!" They both looked at their shoes, unwilling to meet Maria's dangerous gaze. "We don't deserve this, least of all Liz. She cares about all of you more than you will ever know, and I'm going to save her as much heartache as I can."

"God, is Elizabeth Parker all anyone thinks about?" Maria turned around and saw Tess standing in the doorway. "The door was open," she said, realizing her joke had not lightened their mood. "Max, are we going to the movie or what?"

Max remembered that in his frustration the week before, he had invited Tess to go see a flick. 'Oh no, could Tess have come at a worse time and said something more horrible than she just did? Definitely not.' Maria's eyes shot daggers at Max and she spat on the floor in front of the four of them.

"You are not welcome at the Crashdown, you will not speak to us at school, and don't ever, EVER come to us with your alien crap again or the skins and Khivar killing you will be the one thing you ask for before falling asleep every night. You all make me sick."

Maria wiped her eyes and attempted to calm down. Once she'd collected herself, she glanced at the four of them one last time before walking out the door, slamming it shut behind her. Tess had the feeling that she was not welcome at the moment, and followed Maria's cue. Isabel wiped her tears away from her cheeks and began to comfort her brother, who was undoubtedly in shambles. His face was stiffly set and only his eyes gave away the suffering he was being forced to endure.

Michael used his powers to clean up the coffee stains from the carpet and then sat back down in the chair he had previously occupied. Maria would probably never speak to him again. He really thought he was doing the right thing. This was all so out of character for Liz. She was "Miss Control", "Miss 'It's-not-possible-for-me- to-hurt-a-fly' Parker". Michael went over what he knew in his head. He knew that Liz was in some kind of trouble and Maria knew what it was, but neither were willing to fill in the blanks. He also knew who didn't know: Max, Isabel, himself, and probably Alex. Alex didn't seem to know what was going on with Liz at the Crashdown the night before. Michael also had a few things from earlier that morning. Tess and Kyle were the only other two people in the group. He was pretty sure Tess didn't know much (if anything), but he was betting Kyle did. Michael Guerin had found his mission. He was going to find out the truth; the reasons why Liz slept with Kyle and why she continued to lie to her friends about something that was obviously doing her harm. It never occurred to him that he might completely shatter the closely knit friendships in an irreparable way.


	6. A Moment's Peace

_'When something happens to make you question things, to make you question who you are and what you thought to be true, to test your endurance and your belief in the things around you, people forget how important hope is. We all need to remember, not that things could be worse, but that we have the power to make them better. I am the first to admit that when things get tough, when I think that it can't get any worse, that my heart can't hurt any more than it already does, I forget that there's always hope. Where conscious thought is possible, belief in yourself and what you are capable of is within your grasp. We are the ones who control our own destinies - someone I knew once said that. And though that line only goes so far - though our control is not ever-reaching, we have the power to decide when to follow it and when to slap fate in the face. **We** decide when and how. _

_**I** decide._

_Therein lies **my** hope, **my** means of escape.'_

_-from the later journals of Elizabeth Parker_

* * *

Liz had woken up feeling like the weight of the world had been lifted off her shoulders. She was a little confused and disoriented, unable to recall why there was a voice in the back of her mind screaming something she couldn't quite grasp at. Now, as she sat in the hospital room, she could recall with perfect clarity what was bugging her: it was what had happened the evening before. She'd rather have no Novocain right now as the nurse stitched the worst of her wounds closed than the feelings of despair and emptiness that continued to envelope her. Anything was better than this... almost. Anything except Michael and Isabel's deaths. Protecting them was the one thing that kept her going, kept her grounded. The solitary thing stopping her from running to Max and telling him everything and begging his forgiveness. She might decide to do that anyways, even if he found out. The real question was: would he forgive her for everything she put him through? Liz didn't think she wanted to find out. What if he couldn't? She could deny it all she wanted, but a part of Liz was glad he didn't know. That part of her was afraid he would reject all of her reasons and apologies. Liz really couldn't be sure if she was being paranoid or not, and that's what scared her. 

The nurse finished bandaging Liz's arm and smiled. "You're all set hun. Is there someone here who can take you home?"

"No, I can call a friend though. My parents aren't in town right now or they'd be here."

The nurse smiled at her again. "Well that's just fine darling. Why don't you call your friend and while you're waiting, you can finish filling out those billing forms and then we'll be all finished here."

"Yeah, okay. Thank you." Liz said gratefully. Liz began filling out the forms after she called Alex, but she couldn't stop thinking about what she should do. She loved Max with all her heart, but she knew she couldn't bear it if he rejected her once she'd opened herself to him completely. Once she'd told him she never had sex with Kyle. Liz shook her head and sighed as she walked out of the hospital's door. She couldn't tell Max the truth anyways, so what did it matter? The consequences were too great. She walked over to Alex who was standing in the parking lot waiting for her. His eyes sparkled as he opened her door for her, and Liz knew that even though she had lost Max, she still had so much left to live for. The thought made her smile.


	7. Tabasco Cookie Deductions

_"Until the shooting at the Crashdown, I never realized just how hard it can be to keep a secret. How blissfully normal your life can be until you know something that no one else can know. Before we told Alex, I wanted to tell him the truth about what happened more than anything else in the world. But I couldn't - because Max, Isabel, and Michael didn't want even me to know... because if that shooting had never occured, I would never have known, and who knows where I would be today... because it would do more harm than good._

_And in the end, it did."_

_-from the later journals of Elizabeth Parker_

* * *

A buzzer went off in the kitchen, calling Tess away from the baseball game. She got up and pulled the cookies out of the oven, a bottle of Tabasco sauce in hand.

"Don't even think about pouring that shit on all the cookies!" she heard Kyle yell from the living room. "Just because you're a hot alien with super powers doesn't mean I won't kill you in your sleep!" She laughed and took the pan into the living room.

"Why bother when I already went to the trouble of baking the Tabasco right into them," Tess stated as convincingly as possible. Kyle's eyes widened and he put down the cookie that was halfway in his mouth, his glare a mix of skepticism and fear.

"You wouldn't."

Tess grinned mischievously. "Oh I would." He grimaced, then realized her jokeas he saw the look on her face. As their grins became too large to contain, the two burst into a fit of laughs that seemed almost unable to be contained. The doorbell rang and Kyle grabbed the cookie he had set down as Tess went to see who was there. It was Michael. _'What could he want?'_ Tess wondered. He looked like he'd been up all night.

"Hey Tess. Uh Kyle, can I talk to you for a minute?" Kyle mumbled a confused and uncomfortable "sure", and Tess had a feeling this wasn't a conversation she was to be included in.

"Why don't you guys use my room?" Tess asked politely.

"Uh, don't you mean MY room?" Kyle cleared his throat, butTessmerely rolled her eyes.

"Oh please Kyle, like you'd really want it back after I'm finished with it." He grumbled in response as he led Michael through the living room and shut the door behind them. Kyle's old room had definitely become Tess'. The magazines, make-up, and overall pink of the room confirmed her statement to Kyle earlier, Michael thought. Kyle made an inhumanly guttural sound, and he suggested they go in his dad's room instead. Michael hastily agreed.

"So what did you want to talk to me about?" Kyle asked as they entered the sheriff's room. Plaques adorned the room's crème walls and on the bed in the center was a worn comforter his grandfather had as a child. Kyle sat on the edge of the bed and absently toyed with one of its frayed corners.

"I think you know why I'm here," Michael stated, not unkindly. Kyle turned slowlyand faced him.

"What do you want me to say?"

"I want to know the truth Kyle. The gang is falling apart. I don't know who's right or wrong anymore!" Michael cried, exasperated. Kyle's shoulders slumped and he sighed.

"Look, Liz hasn't told me anything okay? I am as in the dark as you are when it comes to her."

"Yeah everyone is, except Maria. And even she has brought up Liz's lack of expressing her emotions and opinions. It's like Liz has closed off a part of herself. I do believe that you don't know Liz's motives, but I think that you know something and you're not telling us."

"That may be true Michael. But if it is, there's I could say or do to explain it to you" Kyle worded carefully. He had to tip toe around this conversation, or else he might accidentally say more than he should. Michael scowled. Kyle saw this though,and felt bad. _'Whatever Lizis trying to hide, itisn't worth all of this.'_ He decided to lend a push in a possibly right direction. "Look, I know one thing." Michael's head snapped up. "Liz leaves town every Friday night and drives to this coffee shop club thing right outside of Phoenix. I don't know why she goes there, but I've got a feeling that it isn't for the coffee... or the dancing. If you want to check it out, follow her. Just don't let her know that you're doing it."

Michael nodded and began to walk out the door. He stopped suddenly and turned around. "What will I find?"

"I don't know," Kyle answered honestly. "I followed her there, but I never had the guts to walk through the door. I just had this feeling like I would be better off if I didn't know.Sure,I'm curious as hell to know now that I'm not there anymore... but... I don't know" he trailed off in thought.

Michael nodded, understanding. "Thanks Kyle. You've been more of a help than you know."

"Yeah," Kyle said, shooing him out. "Just don't make me regret it okay? In other words, don't get caught. I don't want to have to explain to Liz why I even knew let alone why I told you about her secret escapades out of town."

"You're a decent guy Kyle."

Kyle raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Aw Guerin, you're making me blush."

Michael left the Valenti residence knowing he had found some valuable information there. It meant everything and yet nothing. It was both disastrous and the key to salvation. Michael decided to talk to Max after work. Speaking of which, he was going to be late.


	8. 007 Reborn

_'A part of me always envied Maria's relationship with Michael. There was a spark between them, a fire,that Max and I didn't have. Sure, we loved each other more than life itself, but we were always in control... Max and I hurt each other in ways that Maria and Michael couldn't even dream of, yet Maria and Michael were always the ones with the "volatile" relationship. They got angry, they yelled and kicked, and fought... whereas Max and I, we hurt each other through whispers, caresses, unintention, and misunderstandings. And a part of me wanted the fight, the hurt, that Maria had with Michael. Because it was so much easier to mend, to ignore, and to forgive. _

_How do you forgive someone who's love (though vital to your existence)is what hurts you in the first place?'_

_-from the later journals of Elizabeth Parker_

* * *

"You're late again," Maria scolded Michael as he walked into the diner. Her antennas bobbed back and forth on her head as she weaved effortlessly around the tables to meet him.

"I'm sorry, I was..." he broke off. "How do you do that?"

"Do what?" Maria asked, confused.

"Walk in between the tables like that. It's like, you could do it blindfolded or like the tables could move to get in your way but they never do because you're always a step ahead of them. I don't get it." Maria's smile warmed him to the core.

"I'd say 'magic' if that were the case, but truth be told I probably could walk the Crashdown blindfolded. I don't know if I can explain it properly, but when I work it's kind of like the cafe and I become one single entity." she explained as they walked into the back room. Michael thought he understood what she meant. He threw on a bandana and his apron and Maria laughed. "Another reason I can do that is because I'm female. Girls are basically made to do crazy stuff like that. Walk in a straight line, never bump into tables... yeah, we're talented alright."

Michael laughed at this too, and suddenly realized there was truth in Maria's words. Liz could do it even better than Maria, probably because she had lived above the restaurant her whole life. Courtney and Agnes had both mastered the art of "table weaving" as well. Even Isabel did fairly well when she got out of the booth, but Michael and even Max always managed to bump their hips on the edge of the table. It was a talent only females seemed to possess. He'd have to ask Alex about that later, Michael thought as he flipped burgers. Then he remembered what Kyle had told him earlier about Liz. He had every intention of following her to wherever she was going on Friday. Yeah he'd take his bike but stay far enough behind her not to be noticed and-

"Michael, I was thinking we could go to a movie Friday night. I'll even let you pick since I did last time-" Maria started.

"Can't," Michael cut her off. "Got stuff to take care of."

"Like what?" Maria pouted. "I go out on a limb and actually say I'm sorry and that we should try to work things out and you-"

"Maria, you didn't say any of that. All you said was, 'Want to go to the movies Friday?' Besides, I'm not even supposed to be fraternizing with you OR in the Crashdown and I'm doing both right now."

"You can come in to work, that doesn't count. And I am trying to apologize for biting your head of so if you could manage to not be a dick for maybe 5 minutes, it would be greatly appreciated. I know you were just doing what you thought was right."

"So were you I suppose. But whose pain were you trying to prevent? Liz's or Max's?"

Maria thought for a moment. "Both, I imagine," she said softly. "So what's so important that you can't postpone it a day and hang out with me instead?"

"Something that's only occurring on Fridays," he said sarcastically. He anticipated her next remark, but still flinched when she said it.

"Can I come with?"

"No!" Michael said a little too quickly. "Um, its uh... alien related and I don't want to have to keep an eye on you" he made up quickly off the top of his head.

"Ah, well all you had to do was say so," Maria said. Michael smiled, relieved.

"Oh, but that would make sense."

"Yeah, and I'm the sense maker." Maria winked at him, and then sobered. "I am sorry, you know."

"I know. But not as sorry as I am. I made you a promise that I didn't keep, and there's no excuse for that. But I felt like it was something Max really needed to know."

"I understand completely. I probably would have done the same thing if I had been in your shoes," Maria said.

"So we're both sorry."

"Yeah, and we're both forgiven."

"Right... any chance you'll tell me the rest of what happened?"

"No chance in hell."

"Didn't think so, but I had to try."


	9. Questions

_'Connections. They're unescapable. I tried not to attach myself to them, to him, because I knew it couldn't be, that it wasn't meant to be -but I couldn't help it. It's so gradual that you don't even notice it until you're in too deep. And by then, it's too late. I couldn't repair the damage of what had been done. The worst part was - I didn't want to.'_

_-from the later journals of Elizabeth Parker_

* * *

Drip. Drip. Drip.

Liz lifted her head from the cold, moist tiles of her bathroom floor and stared around in confusion. She must have passed out after Alex had dropped her off from the hospital. She remembered feeling hot so she had gone in to the bathroom to splash some water on her face and then - nothing. Wait... no, she was doing something before that. What was it? She sat up and a wave of dizziness hit her. Uhng... She put a hand to her forehead and prayed the ringing would stop. The murmur of voices drifted up the stairs from the Crashdown, and Liz heard her mother yell up the steps, "Honey, we're home!"

'What were they doing back a day early? Unless...' Liz grabbed her watch that was carelessly discarded next to the sink. It read 12 o'clock. How is that possible? Alex dropped her off at 1:30. She was passed out the whole night on her bathroom floor. Figures. And it would explain the horrible pain in her neck. She stood up slowly, her joints popping and reacquainting themselves with movement. Leaning her body against the countertop, Liz opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out the aspirin as her mother walked through the doorway. Once she saw her daughter's ragged appearance, she dropped the bags she was carrying and her own jaw.

"On my god Lizzie, what happened?"

"Um there was an accident in the Crashdown a couple of days ago and I cut myself on some broken glass. I'm okay; I just had to get a few stitches."

"Are you sure you're alright? Thank god we filled out that form allowing you to be able to get medical service without our presence."

"Yeah, talk about lucky," Liz said as she poured herself a glass of water and put the pills in her mouth. Nancy noticed Liz's pale complexion and asked Liz if she was feeling alright.

"No, I'm sick but I don't know what I have," Liz admitted honestly. "The symptoms don't match up."

"Well maybe we should take you in to the doctor and-" Liz stared at her mother, watching Nancy's lips forming words but suddenly she couldn't hear them, and then she felt like she was sinking into the floor as her body slumped against the countertop. Liz's hearing returned to normal suddenly and she started coughing violently.

"Lizzie, are you okay?" her mother asked fearfully.

Liz couldn't seem to get any air to her lungs. Her hand covering her mouth, Liz continued coughing. Her whole body was clenched and her mind screamed at her for oxygen. As quickly as the fit came, it left, and Liz could breathe again, her body relaxing itself. She felt light-headed and she inhaled slowly. Nancy was at her side and rubbing her back soothingly, and Liz suddenly noticed a moist liquid on her hand. Her eyes widened and she said calmly, "Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital," as she held her blood covered hand up for her mother to see. She had coughed up blood, Liz's mom realized, and then she looked at Liz's face. Her nose had started bleeding as well. Nancy screamed for her husband Jeff, and suddenly everything became really bright as Liz's eyes rolled back into her head and she collapsed into darkness. At that same moment, the four aliens and three humans who knew her were all in a different bathroom, wiping blood away from each of their noses as well. But the fact that the blood wasn't their own was too big of a coincidence for anyone to ignore.


	10. Answers

_'I used to get sad when I'd skin my knee on the play ground as a kid, because no one noticed or cared that I was hurt. They'd keep on sliding, or swinging, and I'd just sit there with tears rolling down my cheeks as the other children ran by until my mother or father found me and gave me a band-aid. I regret my sadness now, because in a way the lack of acknowledgement was freeing, liberating. Now I see them all watching, analyzing, prodding, and I just want them to go away. I want to be just one in the crowd again. Alone.'_

_-from the later journals of Elizabeth Parker_

* * *

"Max, do you have any Kleenex in your room?" Isabel asked as she stood at the doorway holding her nose. "I've got a bloody nose." 

"You do?" Max asked, shocked. "So do I. Is this normal?"

"Of course, silly. It happens to people all the time."

"I mean for us. We've never gotten sick, maybe something is wrong."

"You think so?" Isabel asked, becoming worried. "Maybe someone should call Michael and Tess to see if it's happening to them too."

Max nodded. "I agree. Why don't you call them and I'll dig around in the basement. We've got a microscope around here somewhere, maybe a closer look at our blood would tell us something."

"That would be a good idea if we had anything to compare it to," Isabel responded sarcastically.

"Well, I know what our blood looks like when everything is normal, so if it looks different, we'll know something is wrong."

"Alright genius boy, get to work finding that microscope," Isabel spoke enthusiastically and walked into the kitchen to call Michael and Tess.

Max had to do some serious digging, but he eventually found the dusty old microscope and some slides. Isabel met him at the top of the basement steps.

"Both of them have nosebleeds too. They're on their way. I called Alex and Maria too, and told them something might be going on. Figured we could use some support anyways."

"Good idea," Max said. "Liz?"

"No answer," Isabel stated, slightly bewildered. "Her parents should be back from that restaurant convention already."

"Yeah, that is odd." Max thought for a moment. "Try calling the Crashdown and ask one of the waitress' working. I'll start setting up the microscope."

Isabel went back into the kitchen and Max dusted off the microscope. He plugged it in and turned it on, then proceeded to put some of the blood from his Kleenex on a slide. Both of their noses had stopped bleeding by now. He then placed a cover slide on top of the glass with his blood on it and slid it under the lens, focusing it carefully. What he saw confused him immensely. Red cells, shaped like doughnuts. His cells were green, and seemed to possess this strange energy. These cells looked... human.

"Max!" Isabel yelled as she reached his room in a run, nearly knocking him over as she burst in. "I got a hold of Agnes at the Crash. Liz is at the hospital. Her parents came home and she was really sick. She coughed up blood and had a bloody nose too, and then she collapsed. The doctors are running some tests, but she's still unconscious. She's in the critical care unit right now."

Max stood in a daze. Liz... bloody nose... coughing... collapse. He looked at his sister and said pointedly, "Isabel, we were experiencing Liz's bloody nose."

"What are you talking about?"

"I looked at the blood. It was human, Isabel. HUMAN."

"Oh my god... what does this mean?"

"It means that there's something really wrong with Liz. She's much worse than she's letting everyone believe." They looked at each other for a moment before Max abruptly grabbed the keys and flew out the door, Isabel like lightning at his heels. The rest of the gang pulled in to the Evans' driveway as Max and Isabel were getting in the Jeep.

"What the hell Maxwell! Where are you going that is more important than a possible disease that could kill us?" Michael asked as he opened the passenger door to the Jetta and stepped out. He walked up next to the driver's side of the Jeep after telling Maria to keep the car running.

"It's Liz, she's in the hospital."

"What! What happened?"

"She... look, it's a long story. Just meet us over there," Max said hastily.

Michael jumped back into the Jetta and told Maria, "Drive." Maria looked at him confusedly as she backed out of the driveway and asked, "Why is it that you think you're all going to die?"

"Because all four of us had a nosebleed at the same time today, which we've never had before so... what is it?" Michael asked as Maria's eyes widened.

"About half an hour ago?" Maria's voice squeaked.

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

"Because I had one then too." Michael gaped at her, his lower jaw nearly touching the car's floor. Maria's eyes went to the rearview mirror. "Alex?" She saw him close his eyes and nod lightly in the back seat.

"Is this good or bad?" Tess asked nervously.

"Probably both," Michael snorted. "Turn left here Maria; we've got to get to Roswell Memorial Hospital. Something happened to Liz." The only thing Michael could separate from the garble of questions he was then bombarded with but didn't know the answers to was Maria's voice repeating senselessly, "no..."


	11. Always Needing You

_'I didn't understand the seriousness of the situation back then. I guess I still don't, even now. About how much Max and I could hurt each other- I mean REALLY hurt each other: just a few simple words, an unintelligible sentence, a look, a tightening grip... I just didn't understand. _

_The worst part was... I don't think he did either.'_

_-from the later journals of Elizabeth Parker_

* * *

The steady beep of the heart monitor slowly pulled Liz away from sleep's outstretched arms. The room's walls were eggshell white, and everything but the chrome railing of her bed seemed to accentuate it. A white vase with white roses, white chairs, even the suspended television in the corner was white. Liz made a face as she looked at her surroundings. 'They probably thought white was the safest color to go with. No one really hates white.' The door opened and she saw her parents walking in with some Styrofoam cups and a pot of water to make coffee. Jeff was saying something to Nancy when she suddenly tossed the cups she'd been carrying at him and gave her daughter a strong hug. Jeff's smile was relieved as he put the coffee on and sat next to Liz on the edge of her bed.

"Thank god you're finally awake," he said, taking her small hand and resting it in his larger one. "The doctor ran some tests while you were unconscious."

"Do they know what's wrong with me?" Nancy wiped her eyes and shook her head. "Not yet sweetie. We're still waiting on the results. I'm sure you're going to be just fine though." Nancy smiled, trying to put on a brave face for her daughter. Liz nodded and accepted her mother's statement as a truth.

"How long have I been out?"

"Quite a while," Jeff laughed. "It's still Friday though. About four thirty. All of your friends are waiting outside. I told them they could come in once you woke up." The door opened again and a doctor walked in.

"It's good to see you're finally awake," he said to Liz, his eyes gentle and oddly soothing. "Okay, we've gotten some of the results back and they all came back clear. By all accounts you are at the peak of physical health." Jeff got up and poked his head out of the door for a moment before opening it fully and allowing Maria, Alex, Max, Michael, Isabel, and Tess to come in. The doctor smiled and shook his head, continuing. "We're still waiting for a few more tests to come back later this evening."

"Um, I'm sorry to interrupt you doctor," Liz said calmly, "but I was wondering if I could go home. You could always call us and if there's something you find we'll come back but - it's just... I really hate hospitals and I'd rather not stay here when I could just as easily stay at home." This wasn't really the case, Liz knew, but it's a lot easier to sneak out of her house to drive to Phoenix than to sneak out of a hospital. Surprisingly enough, Michael was first to speak up in agreement. Michael turned to Max and whispered something in his ear, and Max also gave his approval. Liz didn't know about the discussion her friends had during the time when she was unconscious. The group knew that their nosebleeds were connected to Liz, and they also knew the real reason why she wanted to leave: Phoenix. The doctor checked her vitals and asked her a number of redundant questions before he was satisfied enough to allow her to check out of the hospital.

"Right now she can do regular teenage stuff, just as long as she doesn't overtire herself. Liz seems to know when these blackouts are about to occur, so as long as she keeps herself in check, she should be alright. Make sure she takes the prescription I gave her if the headaches return," the doctor told Jeff and Nancy while Liz was getting her things.

* * *

Liz was sliding on her jacket and talking to Alex when she was suddenly struck with inspiration. She paused in mid-sentence and said suddenly, "Alex, I need a piece of paper and a pencil. Quick." He dug in his pockets and pulled out a pen, but they had no luck finding any paper so Liz grabbed a couple napkins and began writing vigorously as words seemed to pour right out of her soul. She was hunched over, her face practically kissing the table and the muscles of her hand screamed to be released from servitude.

"Liz, what is it?" Alex asked curiously.

"Oh, um nothing," she said, her voice muffled. "Just something I want to remember for my journal." He knew she wasn't "lying" but there seemed to be more to it than that. He accepted her answer a nod, however, and offered her his arm gentlemanly once she'd finished scribbling on the napkins. She smiled and laced her arm in his, shoving the napkin in her pocket as they walked out the door to meet her friends.

* * *

Max had persuaded Liz's parents to allow him to take her home. She put up a fight until Max said he had to talk to her about something alien related, at which point she immediately stopped arguing and climbed into the passenger side of the jeep. He took her down the old highway road they had gotten in an accident on, hoping to get her to loosen up enough to talk to him. He made a mental note of the way her hair fell across her face and the way she bit her lower lip as she thought about some song she was humming to herself. It was almost like she was trying to figure out each note as she went along, and once she did, she made a small smile of triumph and wrote something on her hand with a pen.

Max's eyebrows arched and he said, "Where's that song from? It sounds kind of catchy."

"I don't remember," Liz said as she looked him square in the face. "Max, you've got the look of a liar on your face. What is this really about?"

"And I'm sure you'd know all about how to look like a liar," Max snapped back defensively, instantly feeling guilty as he saw the pained look she gave him. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"Don't apologize for something you're not sorry for," she replied bitterly. "I've lost interest in whatever it is you wanted to tell me so I think you better take me home." She pulled her legs up to her chest and rested her head against her knees as Max turned off the side road and headed back towards Roswell. On the ride back neither Max nor Liz said anything let alone looked at each other. He pulled up in front of the Crashdown and took the keys out of the ignition. Liz unbuckled her seatbelt and began to climb out when she felt Max's hand on her arm.

"Liz, you're a lot sicker than you're letting on. Look, I know you don't want me to connect with you, but isn't your life more important than that?" Liz paled.

"How do you know I don't want you to connect with me?"

"Maria accidentally told Michael when he mentioned the idea of my coming over to heal your cuts from... before."

Liz sighed and shrugged. "It doesn't matter now anyways because I'm going to be fine. The tests came back clear and-"

"Liz, just please let me check and make sure you're okay. Whatever it is that you don't want me to know, we'll get through it, but forcing yourself to go through this pain in order to keep a secret is just ludicrous."

"This pain," Liz spoke through clenched teeth, "is nothing compared to what you would force me to relive if you connected with me." Max pulled back, shocked. He clearly misunderstood, so she quickly clarified. "My unwillingness to let you sift through my personal thoughts and feelings isn't to hurt you. It's to spare myself from having to relive every horrible thing I have done to the people I care about. So excuse me for not wanting to be reminded of every wonderful thing I've had to give up. I feel regret and pain every moment of every day for what I did to you. The remorse never stops. I just don't want to add to it by watching a movie of all my wrongdoings in full Technicolor. For once in my life Max, this is about ME, not you." She ran to the safety of the diner, but Max beat her to the door. As he reached for the door handle, he spoke, pleadingly.

"I might have known that it was about you if you would talk to me." Liz's shoulders slumped as he said this. "Please Liz. Just talk to me. I miss you."

"I... I miss you too, Max."

"Then why are you closing yourself off from me? Why is this secret so important that you'd be willing to do this to yourself? Let me help you... please." Liz finally looked up at him and shook her head slowly as she reached up and brushed her hand along his cheek in an attempt to soothe him. He closed his eyes and they stood there like that for a moment before she finally answered him.

"I'm keeping a promise Max, not a secret." She sighed and pulled him into a tight embrace. "I lied to you. When I said I didn't want to die for you: I lied. I'd happily die for you any day of the week." She kissed his forehead gently and reluctantly pulled herself from his arms.

"Don't say that. I'd never allow you to get into that type of position. I need you too much."

"But it's not your decision to make," Liz said softly, repeating the words she had spoken to him nearly a year before. "As much as you want to help me Max, the only person who can get me through this is ME. Besides, I've done everything I can to help you. You don't n-need me anymore." She let out a sob as she said this and jerked open the door, walking inside.

"I'll always need you Liz," he said aloud, but she had been too far away to hear him.


	12. Pulling Out the Big Guns

_"Just a broken,raw, aching machine  
Oil it up, ignore the fissures, and send it on its way  
No, no I don't mean anything  
__Reality is a rotten form of nothing  
Of wasting whatwasn't given me  
__My expressions are a vacant drain  
Pointless and barren, an all consuming need  
__The griefcakes the sorrow, the soreness strangles both  
Veiled in an apathy that distinguishes all I've put on hold  
__I wear my weariness for all to see  
But it doesn't matter 'cuz you never noticed **me**"_

_-from the later journals of Elizabeth Parker_

* * *

Liz climbed out of the shower and wrapped a towel around her torso. She had turned the water on as hot has it would go, but she still got out feeling cold. 'Maybe the water heater is broken.' She ran some gel through her tresses and reached for the blow dryer, but changed her mind and decided to let her hair dry out naturally. It would have a nice kink to it, which Liz thought matched her mood. She was feeling a little better after having that kick of inspiration at the hospital with Alex. 

She walked into her bedroom and played her "get ready mix" CD as she tried to figure out what to wear. Deciding against her usual outfit, Liz dug in the very back of her closet. Tonight was severely needed, and she was going to go all out. Liz grabbed some black eye shadow, mascara, eyeliner, and clear lip gloss, and added them to the contents of the box she had pulled out. She then threw on a pair of worn jeans, and a white tank top. After checking her appearance in the mirror, she turned off the CD player and grabbed the box as she headed out the window. She had left a note on her desk saying she was going to the all night movie marathon at the theater as a safety precaution in case her parents decided to check in on her. They usually never did, but with her being in the hospital today, she didn't want to take any chances.

As she climbed down the ladder and got into her dad's car, she was oblivious to the fact that she was being followed by an old army jeep and a rusty red Jetta.


	13. Late Night Escapades

"She won't like this," Alex said, shaking his head when Max started the jeep as Liz pulled away from the Crashdown.  
Isabel sighed. "Then let's hope she doesn't find out."  
"I won't deny that I want to know what is going on with Liz, but there's got to be a better way. What kind of friends does this make us?"  
"Alex, we deserve to know. After everything we have done for her..." Isabel's voice faded out as she thought to herself. Alex knew that she was referring to Max healing Liz's gunshot wound and he wouldn't hear another word about it.  
"Don't you mean, 'After everything she has done for you'? What with, saving your lives countless times, keeping your secret, and intentionally putting her life in danger to protect you. So I know you weren't implying that Liz owes you anything." His voice did not reflect any anger or harshness but simply stated truth, and Isabel knew Alex well enough to decide against pressing the matter further. He was right anyways.  
"You're right Alex," Max said as he turned the corner in pursuit of Liz's vehicle.  
Isabel's situation with Alex hadn't changed drastically since the month before. She had pushed him away after hearing the message from her mother, and she couldn't find a way to get him back. She just wanted everything to go back to normal. She wished she hadn't acted so stupid and just let him in. But Maria had been right; Isabel had used her supposed "destiny" as an excuse to push Alex away. 'And it worked – boy did it ever!' He was sitting right next to her, but she still felt as though she had the plague when it came to him. She gave herself a mental slap in the face for her stupidity and mumbled, "I'm sorry Alex; you know I didn't mean anything by it." She was just thankful that they were still civil.  
"I know that. It was an honest mistake, no harm done." His distant tone caused her to flinch.  
"Isabel?" She looked up as her brother spoke her name.  
"Yeah?"  
"Make the call." She nodded, pulled her cell phone from her purse, and dialed Maria's number. 


	14. Tailing False Innocence

The Jetta and the jeep met on Main Street as they followed Liz through town. Max had had enough sense to put the top up to be less conspicuous, and Maria followed behind them with Michael, Kyle, and Tess. Michael had made Maria stop at the Valenti residence on the way to meet up with Max and the others to see if Kyle was still interested in seeing what was really going on at the club. Kyle eagerly agreed to come, and Tess insisted upon being involved as well since she was an integral part of the group. That was that. Isabel and Michael communicated via cell phones between the two vehicles. But to their amazement, instead of turning right to leave Roswell, Liz turned left and headed to the dead center of town. They maintained a comfortable enough distance to not be noticed, and were very confused when they saw Liz pull up to the movie theater. Max pulled over to the side of the road and Maria did the same.  
"God, I can't see anything," Max said, his tone displaying his obvious frustration. Alex smiled and rummaged around in the bag he had brought with.  
"Relax. Have no fear, I always come through in the end," Alex joked as he pulled out a pair of binoculars. Isabel gave him a hypocritical glance and he shrugged. "What? All I said was that Liz wouldn't like what we're doing and that there should be a better way to find out what's going on with here. I never said I didn't want to know, and besides, isn't using binoculars a better way to find out what's happening?" Alex's tone and Max's smirk caused Isabel's façade to crumble a little, and a smile escaped her lips as Alex handed the binoculars up to the front.  
"Why hasn't she gotten out of the car yet anyways?" Isabel asked, squinting to try and see better.  
"I don't know," Max replied as he peered through the binoculars. "I'm seeing some movement in the car, but it's too dark to see anything clearly.  
A brand new lime green speed motorcycle pulled up next to Liz's vehicle, momentarily catching their attention. It was the kind of bike Maria would call a "crotch rocket" - the manifestation of the words "sleek and sexy" in the motorcycle world. The car's overhead light turned on as Liz opened her driver's side door and gracefully climbed out. Her black leather pants and matching boots glinted as the light hit them and reflected off, but her black silk top soaked up the artificial rays. 'Probably the material.' Isabel heard the thought in her mind, but it barely seemed to register in her brain. She was too shocked to even think as she gaped at Liz's outfit. Max's jaw was hanging open and Alex's eyes were glazed over.  
"She looks really... uh," Isabel squeaked.  
Max coughed and interrupted her. "Good... she looks really good."  
"Yeah," Alex agreed, finally finding his voice.  
They watched Liz converse with the biker and then hand him something. He passed her his helmet and they exchanged a few more pleasantries before she climbed on his bike and started the engine. He waved her goodbye and walked in to the movie theater. Liz slid on the helmet, pushed the kickstand up with her heel, and pulled away, the tires squealing. She seemed to know how to handle the bike as well as a professional. Both Max and Maria had trouble keeping up as they tailed her to Phoenix. It was a good thing that Max, Alex, and Isabel had little to say on the drive. Maria's party wasn't so lucky. 


	15. The Barrier

'Destiny. She had to go to a club every Friday called Destiny. It figures. She's either a glutton for punishment, or she's really over me.' Max banished the thought and dragged his eyes away from the neon sign as he walked up to the club's entrance with Michael, Isabel, Alex, Maria, Kyle, and Tess. He was pretty sure the irony of the clubs name wasn't lost on anyone after hearing Michael's snort of amusement. And Maria's "Oh god, I shouldn't have agreed to this" made Max's resolve stronger than ever, as well as his belief that he was doing the right thing. He started to walk forward again and stopped suddenly as his breath caught in his throat.  
"You can feel it, can't you?" Max looked back and saw Kyle staring at him intently.  
"You were right Kyle," Max said through gritted teeth. "It's exactly the way you described it to Michael – like I'd be better off not knowing what's going on in there."  
"That's exactly what I've been trying to tell you idiots all along!" Maria interrupted. "Now let's just go back to Roswell-"  
"We didn't come all this way for nothing Maria," Isabel said, exasperated. "Don't deny that you want to know what she's doing in there. Now let's just observe and hopefully slip out unnoticed."  
"I already know what she's doing in there. She's punishing herself." Maria's shoulders slumped for a moment as she stared at the ground. Her head jerked up though, as someone opened the clubs doors and let some of the loud music out, causing Maria's jaw to drop in astonishment.  
"What is it?" Michael asked, resting a hand on Maria's shoulder.  
"I've heard that song before... I was with Liz. She was humming it." She walked briskly towards the entrance, ripped open the door, and went inside.  
As the others followed suit, Max turned to Kyle menacingly. "Why are you here?"  
Kyle had previously planned to be on his best behavior but Max's comment stung, and Kyle could no longer hold himself in check. "Because I am one of the few people that is actually concerned about Liz. You on the other hand, are on a quest to find the truth about some big secret, and you don't care who you hurt in the process. Well, I do." Kyle growled and walked inside the club, leaving Max with no option but to follow.  
  
The club was hot. The group squeezed past numbers of gyrating bodies as they followed Maria through the crowd, looking for Liz. Maria stopped suddenly, causing Max and the others to run right into her.  
"Jesus, Maria! What the hell?" Michael yelled at her, rubbing his temple.  
"I wasn't entirely correct when I said Liz was coming here to punish herself." Maria said as she stared into the crowd. The song ended and the club became a bit quieter.  
"What do you mean Maria?" Max questioned her.  
"Well, she's still punishing herself, but she's found a way to start coping too. She's venting." Maria pointed to the stage as the slow piano music started the next song. They looked to the stage as Liz began singing to the notes she was playing. Whatever it was that the friends believed she was doing here, this wasn't it.  
  
'I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave, I wish that you would leave  
These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase  
  
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I've held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have all of me'  
  
Because your presence still lingers here, and it won't leave me alone'  
Her voice was warm, comforting, and safe. Max didn't know she could sing, or play the piano. None of them did. He listened to the lyrics intently, having the feeling that the song had to do with him.  
  
'You used to captivate me, by your resonating light  
But now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me  
These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase  
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I've held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have all of me  
  
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along'  
  
Max shuddered as she finished the eerie but beautiful song. He didn't know what to say. He just stood there as people clapped and whooped at Liz. She bowed elegantly and removed the microphone from its stand, then held it to her lips.  
"What do you guys say we hype this place up a bit?" she yelled. The cheers escalated as she said this, and the guitarist matched the drumist's steady but fast beat. The scene changed as people screamed and began dancing again, leaving Liz's friends sticking out like sore thumbs.  
  
'Now I will tell you what I've done for you  
50 thousand years I've cried  
Screaming, deceiving, and bleeding for you  
And you still won't hear me  
  
Don't want your hand this time I'll save myself  
Maybe I'll wake up for once  
Not tormented daily defeated by you  
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom  
I'm dying again'  
  
"She's got a set of pipes," Maria said unbelievingly. "I can't believe she never told me. We could have rocked doing a duet, especially with Alex on guitar. Speaking of which, Alex – shall we shimmy?"  
Alex smiled brilliantly at her. "Absolutely."  
Both Isabel and Michael's jaws dropped as their respective love interests walked out onto the dance floor together. Tess and Kyle looked at each other, shrugged, and followed their example. Michael squeezed his way through the crowd to find Maria and Alex grinding separately with people they weren't acquainted with. His anger rose as he saw Maria run her body along a random guy.  
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he hissed at her.  
"I'm dancing, what does it look like?"  
"Maria, we're supposed to be inconspicuous!"  
"I am Michael! You're the one drawing attention to yourself. I'm in a club, I'm dancing – how much more normal can you get? At least I'm not standing around like an idiot."  
"But Liz might notice you!" Michael forced out.  
Maria laughed heartily and shook her head. "Look at her Spaceboy – she's too wrapped up in the music to notice anything. Trust me, I've had that look before so I know. Just relax."  
Michael snorted. "Says the girl throwing herself at a loser to get my attention."  
Maria stopped dancing abruptly and the guy stepped forward to give Michael a piece of his mind... or fist. She stared Michael down and said, "Hit the road, Billy B," without so much as a glance in the guy's direction.  
"I- I'm Bryce," the guy stammered.  
"Whatever," Maria replied.  
"You heard the lady. Fuck off." Michael spat out venomously.  
The guy walked away grumbling to himself as Michael stepped closer to Maria. She eyed him suspiciously, but then she broke out into the most beautiful smile Michael had ever seen. She did a little dance and jumped up and down, laughing.  
"What?" Michael finally asked her.  
"You were jealous. It's so cute I could just pinch your cheeks."  
"No. No. Please don't."  
Maria could hear his dread at the thought of her pinching his cheeks, and laughed even harder. She held her hands up in surrender. "Truce."  
"So you concede?"  
"Never. Now dance with me! But don't think for a second that we're getting back together because we're not." Michael rolled his eyes at first, but as Maria began to grind against him he lost all conscious thought. 


	16. Actions

'So go on and scream  
Scream at me I'm so far away  
I won't be broken again  
I've got to breathe I can't keep going under'  
  
Max's anger was rising as she sang each line of the song. He felt like she was unconsciously spitting in his face. Isabel reached her hand across the table and tapped him gently, causing him to turn his gaze to his sister.  
"Try not to read into it too much," she said sympathetically. "She's just trying to release her frustration with everything that has been going on with her."  
"Yeah, right."  
"She doesn't regret that you saved her Max. Maybe she just wants you to stop protecting her sometimes. Think about it." Isabel squeezed his arm as she got up from the table and intercepted Tess and Kyle, who were walking off the dance floor together. Tess walked up to Max alone since Isabel and Kyle had gone off to dance together. As she sat down next to him, she smiled, and Max thought about what Isabel had told him. 'All right, I'll stop protecting her' he thought angrily. He turned Tess' face toward him and the laughter on her face died as the seriousness of the situation took hold on both of them. She closed her eyes as Max leaned in and kissed her. 


	17. Consequences

Liz couldn't shake the nagging feeling anymore. It told her to look into the crowd, near the back on her let. She usually never looked into the crowd during her songs. It just didn't seem right. At this particular moment however, her mind demanded it. She finally gave in and looked towards the throngs of people and her eyes immediately locked on to a couple kissing. The girls blond curly hair blocked Liz's view of the guy's face, but her petite figure and his strong build looked exceedingly familiar. When they pulled away from each other Liz understood her need to look into the crowd. It was to see Max and Tess... kissing. Liz felt sick and destroyed at what she had just witnessed. The song had ended and Liz felt like her whole world was going to collapse out from under her. She shook it off and thought, 'Fine, they want to come here behind my back and insult me to my face? Bring on the challenge. I'll win.' She backed away from the mic and told each band member that the next song would be different then the one she had planned. She pulled her acoustic guitar out of its case and plugged it into an amp. Devon, her drumist, sat on a stool next to her with some bongo drums.  
"I'm going to play you guys something a little different for the rest of my gig. I'm ending a bit early tonight, so this will be my last song I'm going to sing. I was going to sing 'Whisper'" – the audience cheered and clapped loudly – "because I know how much you guys liked that one, but I've been inspired to sing one of my other songs by a member of the audience. You know who you are."  
  
'I'd like to watch you sleep at night, to hear you breathe by my side  
And although sleep leaves me behind, there's nowhere I'd rather be  
And now our bed is oh so cold, my hands feel empty, no one to hold  
I can sleep what side I want, it's not the same with you gone  
Oh if you'd come home, I'll let you know  
All you want, is right here in this room, all you want  
And all you need, is sitting here with you, all you want  
  
Max felt the bile rising in his throat. As he pulled away from Tess, he felt as though the shattered pieces of his heart had been collected and re-stomped on. The kiss didn't taste right. The simple fact was: Tess wasn't Liz. He wasn't even attracted to Tess, but it didn't matter anymore. Liz had seen him kiss Tess. He had met her pained gaze with a confused look, almost defiant in nature. 'Isn't this what she wanted?' When she made the song dedication to him, he wanted nothing more than to run to her, break down crying, and beg forgiveness. But her face no longer seemed capable of forgiveness. Tess had gotten up to get something to drink, and Max sat with his head low in defeat.  
  
It's been three years, one night apart, but in that night you tore my heart  
If only you had slept alone, if those seeds had not been sown  
Oh you could come home and you would know  
All you want, is right here in this room, all you want  
All you need is sitting here with you, all you want  
  
I hear your key turning the door, I won't be hearing that sound anymore And you and your sin can leave the way you just came in, send my regards to  
her  
I hope you've found that  
All you want, is right there in that room, all you want  
And all you need is sitting there with you, all you want  
I'd like to watch you sleep at night, to hear you breathe by my side'  
  
His anger at himself grew as she finished the song. How could he have done that to her? How could she have had the nerve to criticize him of wrongdoing when she had done the unspeakable? He felt split down the middle. Max met her eyes and they stared at each other for what seemed an eternity. Her glazed over eyes were pasted with regret, and his displayed a forced facade of indifference. He held her eyes until her shoulders slumped in defeat and he felt a small triumph at the miniscule victory. Only then did he avert his eyes. The cheers and clapping never seemed to end. Liz put on a brilliant smile and bowed, then clapped with the club's audience as the rest of the band took its turn bowing. She gave each member a kiss on the cheek and a comfortable embrace, then raised her arm at the bartender who nodded and went into the back. As the gang moved towards each other, Liz walked off the stage and headed towards the bar.  
"You're looking especially depressed tonight. What's going on?" Liz sighed as the bartender, Jason, wiped a strand of hair out of her eyes.  
"They're here... he's here – they followed me. All of them," Liz muttered.  
"The 'he'? As in, 'Max' he?"  
"One in the same."  
"Oh god Bethie I'm sorry."  
"It's not like you could have done anything about it. Besides, it's not his fault, its mine." She paused. "Get me a couple shots of the strongest alcohol you've got? I have a feeling I'll be needing it tonight."  
Jason sighed and nodded. "You know that on any normal occasion you'd get a flat 'no,' right? However, I agree with you – you'll definitely need it."  
Liz snorted. "Like you could resist my sirenistic charms." She rubbed her temples, feeling a headache coming on. Jason set five shots of some unknown liquor in front of Liz and lifted her lowered chin up till her eyes met his.  
"Like you would ever let me enjoy your sirenistic charms." He held her gaze longingly for a moment, then winked at her and smiled. "The truth always sets you free, you know. Whatever truth that may be." He then turned and went back to bartending.  
"Not this one," Liz whispered to herself in a hushed voice. She felt a rough hand come to rest gently on her shoulder, but she didn't need to look behind her to know who it was. Liz closed her eyes and forced her mouth to work. "How long were you standing there Michael?"  
"Long enough."  
"Let's do this in the back Michael. I don't want to draw any more attention to myself tonight. I'm suddenly not feeling so well."  
"I understand. Max is getting the others so he sent me to-"  
"To fetch me? What Max does is his own business." She downs the shots consecutively and got off the barstool, giving a nod to Jason. "Well Fido, shall we depart?" Michael hid his grin and pretended to be offended. As the others came within view, Liz gripped his arm tightly and looked up at him. "I'm glad he sent you." Michael was taken aback by her comment, but couldn't help opening up to her.  
"Thank you for never judging me," he replied. She smiled.  
"Thank you for trusting me."  
"It was a lot easier than I led you to believe. I couldn't help it, it became second nature to trust you."  
As they walked up to the rest of the group, their brief understanding of one another ended. Michael closed his soul's door, and Liz's soul walked away from it. She unlinked her arm from Michaels and met Max's eyes, her voice solemn.  
"Outside." 


	18. Damaged Goods

She led the group out the back door and down a neglected alley. The leaves crunched as they walked along, their footsteps making unusual plodding sounds along the brick road. The towering buildings wore their shadows like a Gucci suit, causing everyone to clutch their coats tighter against their bodies. Occasional pieces of skin - wrists, ankles, necks - were exposed as they followed Liz. She stopped in the middle of the alley and took a deep breath before turning to face them. "Alright, lay it on me." The group was silent. Michael crossed his arms casually and leaned against a dumpster, slightly separating himself from the group as if he no longer completely agreed with the actions of the others. Liz stood there waiting for the harsh comments and spiteful words, but none came. "Fine. Fuck this, I'm leaving." She pushed past them but Max's hand caught her arm. She turned her face to look at him and her eyes were wild, feral. "Get your hands off me," she bit out, seething. He loosened his grip but didn't let go, so she yanked her arm from his grasp.  
"Why?" Maria's voice cut through Max and Liz's stare down, and Liz turned to face her. "Why didn't you tell me about this?"  
"There are a lot of reasons." Her voice was quiet and calm. "Which one do you want?"  
"All of them."  
Liz nodded and cleared her throat. "If I had told you, you would have wanted to come and that would have defeated the point. Because I wanted something in my life that I didn't have to share or give up for everyone else. Because I didn't want to be judged for some emotion I felt for five minutes in the middle of a convenience store. Because I didn't want anyone to think I regretted knowing them. Because ignorance is bliss, and because there are things you shouldn't have to know. Things I haven't even told you, Maria. Do you want me to continue?"  
"I don't think that's necessary," Isabel answered briefly.  
"Any questions?" Liz rested her hands on her hips and looked around the group.  
"I just don't get why you didn't tell me you could sing like that! Or write those songs! How could you ever think I would judge you for something like that?" Maria asked.  
"Because you're you Maria. You've got problems of your own, and you love singing. I didn't want you to think I was trying to steal your thunder. Besides, you don't need to hear my 'woe-is-me' speech twenty-four seven." Liz's smile was gentle, but it conveyed how rough the past year had been for all of them.  
"I want to hear it," Maria stuttered out, tears glittering in her eyes like diamonds threatening to spill down her vibrantly flushed cheeks.  
Liz shook her head and wiped a stray tear from her face. "Liar." Maria laughed.  
"You still should have told us." Max's authoritative voice cut through their moment. Liz pulled away from Maria and walked up to Max as if she were challenging him to some unspoken duel. And his rigid stance gave the impression that he had accepted the challenge.  
"Max, your mother may have left you a message putting you in charge of Isabel, Michael, and Tess, but you are not, nor will you ever be, in charge of me. I will tell you what I want, and I will go where I want. The only times I ever do anything that you remotely agree with are because I support the cause and am willing to make the sacrifices. I have never once followed you because of the sole fact that you were the 'leader'. I'm sure as hell not going to start now." Liz through up her hands in frustration and began to storm off, when the cell phone in her jacket pocket began to ring. She answered it, her aggravation slowly dissolving as she heard the strangled voice on the other end of the line. "Hello? What? Who is th- mom? Calm down, just relax. What? No, it's ok. You're wrong... well, then they're wrong. I'm not going to argue about this." Click. She hung up the phone abruptly, her face pale. It took a few shakes and Alex's "Liz, what's wrong?" to break her from her reverie. She looked at each of them, their faces nervous and anticipatory, and felt like she was going to be ripped apart. "N-Nothing," she muttered. "Nothing important." She started to walk down the alley but nearly collided with Max who was in her path.  
"I'm sick of your deceiving. I want the truth. Now." His voice was laced with acid, ready to eat away at anything it came into contact with.  
"Truth. What do you know about truth? Let me ask you a question, Max. There are two scenarios here. One: I live above the Crashdown, always a phone call or five minute walk away, but you never know the information you so desperately search for. Two: the lying stops, you know everything you wanted to know, but you never see me again. Which would you choose?"  
Her question was sincere and fragile, but Max hesitated. He didn't know what to say. His heart would go to the ends of the earth for her, but her question had made him stop short and filled him with doubt. The fact that he hesitated with his response was enough of an answer for Liz. She closed her eyes, a tear trickled down her cheek, and she sucked in a haggard breath. Nodding, she turned to Maria and said in an empty voice, "I can't even be surprised. I'm not sure who I blame more – him, his destiny, or the man he was to become." Maria shut her eyes and prayed that this had all been a dream. The finality in her statement rippled through the group like a drop of water hitting a pond. The buildings around them seemed to shudder, as if fate were trembling under her statement.  
'This was how it was going to end? No, I refuse to believe that.' Maria didn't know how right she was. Not until she watched Liz mutter "Something's not right" as she walked away, then fell to her knees clutching her abdomen. The blood gushing from the gunshot wound Liz had received the year before reminded Maria of the crimson-black colored cranberries her mom threaded on a string like intestines each year to hang on their Christmas tree. Liz's skin glowed and swirled like liquid silver, the same hue of the handprint Max had left behind after he healed her. It looked like moonlight. As Alex reached out to try and catch Liz's falling form, that was all Maria could think about. Intestines and moonlight. 


	19. Strip It All Away

Liz's head lolled back and forth as Max drove the jeep. She was partially awake and Maria pressed down on the t-shirt, making the soaked up blood squish out of it like squeezing a sponge. 'It's not blood, just cranberry juice. Very thick, very dark cranberry juice.' Maria tore her eyes away from the blood that covered her hands and yelled to Max in the front seat. "Fix it, goddamn you! Fix her, make her better Max – I need her!" Max shook the tears out of his eyes and tried to stay on the road.  
"I tried." His voice caught in his throat.  
"Try again," Maria yelled.  
"She's blocking me! I don't need a full-blown connection to heal her, but damn it she won't let me in. Without some type of connection there's nothing I can do." His town of voice was evident enough that he was dying inside. Michael glanced nervously at the side view mirror to make sure Isabel and the others were still behind them in Maria's Jetta. Kyle was following on Liz's motorcycle.  
"She's not going to last all the way back to Roswell. We need to find a hospital. Now," Michael said, right before Maria's cell phone began to ring. She grabbed the phone with one wine dipped hand and looked at the caller ID.  
"It's Liz's parents," she said nervously. "Michael, come back here and hold this on the wound for me." Michael did as she asked, but kept his eyes darting at everything but Liz. If he looked at her, he'd lose what little composure he had left. Maria answered her phone. "Hello? Yes Mrs. Parker, Liz is with me but there's something really wrong with her.... What?! She's got a what? Yes, we're looking for a hospital. No, we're in Phoenix – I'll explain later. Yes, I'll call you as soon as I know." She hung up the phone, shaking and dazed.  
"What Maria? What's wrong with her?" Max asked desperately.  
"The Parkers got the results from the last of Liz's tests back. She's got a tumor in her abdomen." Max and Michael stared at her uncomprehendingly.  
"No. She doesn't have a tumor. She's got a gunshot wound – one that I healed a year ago but-" Max started.  
"Well the doctors found a tumor in her abdomen," Maria countered.  
As the two bickered, Michael stared down at Liz. He lifted the heavy, dripping shirt from Liz's stomach, and fresh crimson liquid coursed freely from the puncture in her. He watched the blood pump out and thought to himself. Maria noticed Michael's actions and grabbed the bloody cloth from him, yelling loudly. "What are you trying to do Guerin?! Kill the one person who has limitless understanding and all the answers? I need her more than I need any of you, don't you dare let her be taken from me!"  
"She's not bleeding Maria. That shirt won't help her." Maria looked at him incredulously.  
"Michael, look at her!" Max yelled.  
"I AM! The question is, are YOU?" Max stopped at a red light and turned around. He still saw blood, and it must have shown on his face because Michael growled, "Goddamn it Max, this sounds really fucking cheesy and cliché but stop looking with your eyes – look with your heart!" Max nodded and closed his eyes. He thought about Liz's laugh, her smile, how happy he was when he was with her. He opened his eyes and jerked back in shock.  
"Jesus," Maria whispered as she finally 'saw' Liz. Liz's whole body was glowing faintly, and on her stomach the huge mass could be seen through her skin. It was shaped like that handprint Max had left behind on her skin after healing her, only it was spreading. It branched out from the fingertips like a web, crawling across tissue and bone, neither prejudiced nor partial to anything or anyone. The light had turned green a long time ago, but the vehicles were parked on the deserted street with no intention of going anywhere.  
Michael held up the t-shirt they had been pressing against Liz's stomach. It, along with Maria's hands – she noticed, was clean. The others had run up to the jeep by now and were confused when they saw the drastic change in Liz's appearance.  
"What the heck? She was bleeding, we all saw her bleeding," Isabel ranted.  
Max looked at Michael. "How did you know?" he asked his friend.  
"I don't really know. It was almost like she told me. In my head. Reluctantly of course, but... I don't know," Michael responded, uncomfortable under Max's close scrutiny.  
"You connected with her."  
"How is that even possible? I wasn't touching her – she wasn't even looking at me! She's passed out cold," he protested.  
"Well I know a connection when I hear one," Max argued, feeling jealous of Michael. Why did she have to reach out to Michael instead of him? 'Because you made out with Tess in front of her, you pigheaded asshole!' Max wanted to kick himself, but he focused on the matter at hand. Max looked over at Michael, who was wiping his eyes miserably and mumbling to himself. Max thought he looked like a small child who'd just lost his naivety. It took Max a few minutes to understand that Michael was saying "Stop asking me for that. Please – we need you here." Michael's muscles were tense and he was huddled in a ball as if he were trying to protect himself from a physical beating. The origin of the blows however, were mental. He looked up to see Max staring at him and he averted his gaze, glanced everywhere else nervously. He hadn't realized anyone had been watching him. But Michael could still feel Max's gaze on him, and he could only fight one battle at a time. Max's was easier to deal with.  
"She... she knew that this was happening to her. I can still feel her, hear her thoughts in my head. She wants us to give her up – she's too tired to fight it anymore."  
"I can hear her too." Max and Michael turned to face Alex, his expression pained and broken. "She won't listen to me either."  
Max felt the wind blow against him, carrying her voice on its back. Her voice was faint and painful, but her message was clear: "Let me die. I- I can't hold it in anymore. I tried... so hard. But it- The pain – please, just let me go." Maria sobbed uncontrollably and began to drag Liz's limp form from the jeep when Max grabbed her shoulders, crying, and started shaking her.  
"Why Maria? Why did she set me up with Tess, why did she lie about not wanting to die for me, why did she sleep with Kyle? Tell me why!"  
She ripped her arms from his grasp and angrily screamed back at him, "Because you asked her to, you bastard!" 


	20. The Truth is Worse than the Lie

Liz's torso jerked itself upright and her eyes flew open as she sucked in a large breath of air. Had she been breathing when she was unconscious? She didn't feel like she had been. She gulped at the air, the haggard sound of her heaving chest cut through the silence of her surroundings like a chainsaw. Her muscles loosened a little and she fell backwards into the grass, causing her to cry out in pain. She felt like her entire body had fallen asleep, and the blood was just starting to re- circulate. Liz felt Maria's hand on her shoulder and screamed out again as a million tendrils of fire shot along her skin. "Ah! Don't - touch - me!"  
Maria pulled her hand away carefully. "What is it? Where does it hurt?" Maria asked.  
"E-Everywhere," Liz muttered. "My senses are coming back to me – it feels like my whole body fell asleep." Liz heard the rest of the group rushing over to her, their feet pounding on the ground like a stampede of hooves.  
"What was that scream Maria? Is Liz- oh my god, Liz you're awake! Are you okay?" Isabel questioned, slightly frazzled. She, Max, Alex, and Kyle came closer to Liz to offer comfort but Maria would have none of the sort.  
"You guys need to back off. Don't touch her – you'll hurt her more." They stopped in mid-motion and stared confusedly at Maria. "She's just getting her feeling back – if you touch her, it'll be like jabbing a thousand needles into her at once.  
"How do you know?" Max snorted.  
"Because I told her, you big oaf." Liz's voice was strained, her eyes were closed, and her forehead was crinkled up in concentration.  
"What are you focusing so hard on?" Alex asked, as he too noticed her peculiar state. Liz smirked, but then flinched because muscles flexed themselves.  
"I'm trying not to move until it goes away."  
He nodded and shrugged. "Well, that makes sense." He looked at Max and saw that he was about to bombard Liz regarding one of Maria's statements while she was unconscious, so he caught Max's eyes and shook his head at him. Alex rested a hand on Max's shoulder and whispered, "Give me a moment alone with her." He turned to Maria. "Can I borrow your keys? Don't worry; I'm not taking her anywhere." Maria tossed them to Alex, and Max led the others towards the cars to give them some privacy.  
Alex knelt down next to Liz, fingering Maria's keychain. There was a miniature photo of him, Maria, and Liz at a booth in the Crashdown, smiling for the camera. He showed it to Liz. "You remember this?" he asked her.  
The tingling sensation in Liz's body was more bearable and she sat up to look at it, and then smiled. "Yeah, that was our first day at Roswell High – we were freshmen."  
Alex grinned. "And we made a huge bowl of chocolate fudge ripple ice cream with cherries and whip cream to celebrate the survival of our first day of high school." Liz laughed, remembering the good times they always had together. Everyone was so carefree then, naïve, untainted by danger and responsibility. A part of her really missed that. Alex's voice broke her thought. "Do you still love Max?"  
Liz was taken aback by his question, and cleared her throat before answering. "Whatever it is that I feel for Max doesn't matter anymore Alex. He's with Tess now, and that's where he belongs." She paused, and Alex took that moment to counter her.  
"Forget about that for a minute Liz. Don't think about it. How do you feel?"  
She frowned. "I don't know. He's hurt me so many times.... I-I just don't know. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to love someone again after this is over. If it's ever over."  
"Well, it may be over sooner than you think. He's putting the pieces together Liz. We all are."  
Liz paled. "Do you hate me for keeping this from you?"  
"No. I know better than that. Whenever you've kept something from me, it's always been to protect me. And I can tell that you're not getting any enjoyment out of it. You've got enough people angry with you; I'm not going to be one of them." Liz closed her eyes and nodded. "Man though, you should have seen Maria while you were unconscious! I think she's lost her marbles. She was ranting on and on about how the reason you're going through all of this is because Max asked you to. She was making no sense. If the situation wasn't as serious as it was, I would have been laughing my ass off." Liz's smile had faded and she looked like she was about to have a nervous breakdown. "Hey, you okay?"  
"Uh, yeah. Listen, can you give me a minute alone. I need to think about some things." Alex smiled, thinking she was finally going to tell everyone the truth.  
"Sure. We'll be waiting." He got up and started walking away.  
"Alex?" He turned around to look at her. "You know that I love all of you right? That I'd give up everything for you guys?"  
Alex nodded. "Ditto, kitten." She gave him a faint smile and nodded, and he walked back towards the others.  
"What's going on?" Michael asked.  
"She said she needed to think about some things," Alex said. They waited in silence for nearly ten minutes before Maria spoke up.  
"I've got a bad feeling about this. It's taking too long. Alex, what else did she say?"  
"Just that she loved the whole group and would give up everything for us. I figured she was going to think about how to tell all of us the truth."  
Maria considered his words carefully and as a thought dawned on her, her eyes widened. "Oh god, she's not going to – she wouldn't...."  
Max shook his head and sighed, feeling hopeless and beaten. "She's not going to tell us the truth, is she Maria?" He seemed to speak to the air, because Maria's horrified face gave no response to his question. "God could this get any worse?"  
"Damn it, for a second there I actually thought I was done keeping this stupid secret." Kyle mumbled under his breath, then his eyes widened as he realized his mistake.  
"Oh god, it has just gotten worse," Maria muttered, coming back to herself as Kyle spoke.  
"What is it Kyle?" Max asked, anticipation threatening to engulf him as he gave Kyle the most dangerous gaze his body possessed. He was so close, so close to the truth. He could taste it melting on his tongue, soothing his sore throat as it glided down to rest in the pit of his stomach and spreading out through his blood vessels to his entire body. It almost tasted like chocolate... no, better than that. It tasted of Liz.  
Kyle gulped and looked to Maria, apologizing with his eyes for what he was about to do. He closed his eyes and let out a breath he hadn't known he had been holding in, preparing for the onslaught of clenched fists and alien abilities that he knew he would be about to receive. "That Liz and I never slept together."  
The whole group gasped, and Max felt like he'd been punched in the stomach. She never slept with Kyle. She'd been telling him that the two had slept together for so long that he began to believe it. He had stopped looking for the holes in her stories to prove her lying to him, and had instead been searching for the reason behind it. He had finally believed that she had had sex with Kyle, only to find out that it had never happened. He looked up at Kyle and asked, "Why?"  
Kyle looked off in the distance, afraid to meet Max's pained gaze. "I don't know. She would never tell me. She needed a favor, and I assumed that you did something to piss her off really bad. Even then, it wasn't something that I thought she would ever consider doing, no matter how much you could have hurt her." Max flinched at his remark. Yeah, he'd hurt her alright.  
Suddenly, the wind stopped blowing through the trees and their surroundings completely stilled. Nothing moved, or dared breathe as Maria's prophetic voice floated to their ears. "It doesn't matter now anyways. Liz knows that you've found out the truth. Somehow, she knows. And now she's leaving Roswell – for good. Nothing matters now."  
  
They all turned as the motorcycle engine revved up and Liz squealed the tires, speeding away. 


	21. Run Lola Run

It took a moment of stunned silence as they watched her fleeting escape before they could get their feet to move. Once it passed, everyone but Maria bolted for the vehicles to catch up with Liz. Max leapt into the driver's side of the jeep and tried to start the engine, but the engine wouldn't completely turn over. It made the usual sounds of a car starting, but just at the moment of climax, it seemed to sputter and die, just like everything else in his life.  
"Why are you even trying? She wants to leave Roswell and she will. You should know by now that she'll slip out of your grasp." Maria looked like she was possessed, like she was taken over by some higher entity, her body just a vessel for carrying its ethereal message.  
Max tried the engine again to no avail and his frown deepened. "She stayed in my grasp before."  
"Only because that was where she wanted to be. Don't you remember what she said? She told you she'd never follow you because you were the leader, but because she supported your choices. It's exactly like that. She's not going to slip through your grasp if she wants to be in your grasp."  
Max tried the engine a final time with no luck, then got out of the jeep and crawled under it to search for whatever was causing the malfunction. He so did not have time for this. "So what, she doesn't want to be within my grasp anymore?" His eyes searched frantically until he found what he was looking for. He had to keep busy, had to keep his mind in the 3rd person's perspective. He was only an observer; the question wasn't really his; he would be able to deal with the answer to it.  
"So it seems, but not for the reason you're implying." Max stood up and finally looked Maria in the face. "When will you learn? She's still trying to protect all of us."  
Michael jogged over to Max, who turned his voice to his second. "She cut the gas tube. I fixed it, but most of the gas is now on the pavement. There should be enough to get us to a station though."  
"I fixed Maria's car. Let's go guys; we don't have time to waste. We have to intercept her before she gets away."  
Maria nodded in agreement. "She'll stop home to grab her stuff before she leaves town."  
"Are you sure?" Max's voice conveyed a shred of hope.  
"Why do you think she cut the gas? To buy herself some time. Trust me, if anyone knows what she'll do, it'd be me."  
Max grabbed Kyle by the ear and dragged him to the jeep as Maria got in the Jetta. They peeled away in search of the nearest gas station, praying they would make it in time to stop her. "What the hell was that for?" Kyle asked, rubbing his ear. Max shot him an accusatory glance and he sighed. "Okay, fine, so I know the reason. But stop giving me that stink- eye look. We didn't do anything. Her rules were very specific."  
"Rules? What kind of rules?"  
"The usual: undergarments stay on, no tongue when 'fake kissing'. It was all staged man. She knew when you were going to be there, down to the very minute."  
Max was dumbfounded. "That's impossible, how could she have possibly known that? I didn't know that! It was a spur of the moment decision to try and get her to reconcile. She had been so adamant about refusing me but-" he started, "I had thought that maybe this time would be different."  
"I don't know what to tell you. I open up my door, she's asking for a favor, and the next thing I know my Buddha ass is in her bed waiting for you to 'discover' us. Like I said before, I figured that you must've done something to piss her off but you didn't, did you?" Max shook his head. "Well then why the hell-"  
Isabel asked incredulously from the back seat. "This is about Tess, Max. It's always been about Tess. You cheated on Liz by kissing Tess in the middle of the street. Liz saw, and then she finds out that you have this whole other destiny with her so she runs away for the summer, hoping to somehow get over you. It doesn't work too well – she's back and trying to keep you from mauling her in the middle of the street and trying to stop loving you at the same time. Her solution – 'make him fall out of love with me.' If you hate her because she broke your trust, you'll have 'fixed' everything for both of you. She knows how horrible it feels to be cheated on, so she also knows that it would be the only way to push you away from her and do what she thinks you were meant to do. Inhale. End quote." Isabel sucked in a breath and sat back against the seat, rubbing her temples. "Duh."  
Kyle stared at her in awe, and then turned his stunned gaze to Max. "She's good." Max pulled his gaze from the road to glance at Kyle, his face just as perplexed.  
Isabel forced out a tight smile and said, "You have no idea." She looked forward, and noticed something Max had not. "Max, what is that?" She pointed to a slip of paper pinned between the windshield and the wipers. Max saw a gas station ahead and pulled over. Isabel began filling the tank, Kyle went to prepare another station for Maria's Jetta, and Max peeled the paper off the front of his window. He unfolded it and time began to slow down as he made a mental note of the crinkling sound it made as it yielded to the strength of his hands.  
  
'Don't hate me for doing this. I love you more than you will ever know. – Liz'  
  
Max hadn't noticed he'd been crying until he saw his tears leaving wet spots on the goodbye note. When Maria had told him that Liz was running away, he hadn't believed her – not deep down in his gut. Liz's words made him realize the truth of her words: he was about to lose the most important thing in his life. The thought sent him into a panic. Liz was the glue that held the group together, that held him together. And he refused to give that up. Totally and utterly refused. She was what gave him meaning in life; she made him whole. What else could he do? His jaw hardened as he got back into the jeep, not bothering a glance at his passenger's faces in the passenger seats, started the engine, and slammed his foot on the gas. 


	22. Into Hell

The jeep screeched to a halt in front of the Crashdown. Max darted out from behind the wheel and leapt up the ladder of her balcony.  
  
'Come up to meet you  
To tell you I'm sorry  
You don't know how lovely you are'  
  
He felt his knees buckle in front of her window as he saw the mess she had left behind. Or lack of mess, rather. Her room was as neat as a pin, but he knew better. He could tell she had already been there. The others huffed up the ladder as he opened her window and crawled inside. Max walked slowly around the room. He could still smell her Green Tea Shampoo and her jasmine body wash. The picture of her, Alex, and Maria on her nightstand was missing, and her Cool Waters perfume was absent as well. The whole group waited, waited for him to submit before doing so themselves.  
  
'I had to find you  
Tell you I need you  
Tell you I'd set you apart'  
  
He turned his face to the others, tears brimming his eyes. His gaze met Maria's and they walked towards each other. She broke down crying and they hugged each other, Max's own hot tears mixing with hers.  
"I'm so sorry, I couldn't tell you. I promised her. She wanted to tell you more than anything else in the world but she was so afraid of the consequences." Maria sobbed and felt him nod against her shoulder, both comforted and confused by her words. She tightened her grip on him to comfort herself as much as to comfort him. She felt horrible about how much she had yelled at him, blaming him for the predicament Liz was force in to. It wasn't Max's fault; she couldn't blame him for loving Liz. Maria took pity on him and turned to Isabel. "Izzy, will you take him home? He shouldn't have to be here." Isabel nodded and took her destroyed brother from Maria's arms, leading him back to the window.  
  
Michael rested his hand on Liz's desk to support himself. *flash* Liz writing frantically at her desk. *flash* Liz sealing an envelope shut, labeled "Pod Squad and Friends" *flash* Liz swinging a duffel bag over her shoulder, knocking the envelope off the desk unknowingly, and bolting out the door. *end flash*  
  
"Wait! I had a flash of Liz." Michael half yelled immediately, causing everyone to turn their heads in shock. He looked Max in the eye and said pointedly, "She left us something." Michael got down on his hands and knees, crawling under the desk. He slid back out, bumping his head on its edge, but produced a thick envelope. Maria quickly snatched it from his grasp as he rubbed the back of his head, wincing. She peeled open the freshly sealed flap and unfolded the letter that was inside it, reading aloud Liz's words.  
  
"I cannot call you my friends, for you all are so much more than that to me. So, to the dearest members of my family I have ever known: I'm sorry. Forgive me for going to such drastic measures- I wish all of this could have been different. I wish that so much. But there are so many things that cannot be changed... and yet, the real problem is that there are so many things that can be. Never doubt that I love all of you. If I didn't, this letter wouldn't exist, I'd be standing next to all of you now, and the world would be as you wish to make it. Unfortunately, things do not always work out as we would like.  
Tess—I know you and I have never gotten along during the time we've known each other. I felt like you were trying to take away the best part of me –Max-, and you felt like I never deserved him in the first place. You're right. I never deserved his smile or his admiration, and I never deserved the life he gave back to me when he healed me. The fact is: I love him. I always have; I always will.  
  
'I just want to feel safe in my own skin  
I just want to feel happy again  
I just want to feel deep in my own world  
But I'm so lonely I don't even want to be with myself anymore'  
  
But I have to leave him. He may be broken for a while, then again he may not be. I honestly don't know. Whatever the case, I am entrusting him into your care. Take care of the most important thing in my life: protect him, listen to him, love him. Heal him. If you love him, know that you have my blessing. If I'm to lose him to anyone, I'd want it to be you. You probably think you don't need it: my blessing, that is, but just know that you have it regardless. Promise me you'll show him the real you. You'd be surprised to find out how much easier it is to just be yourself. Guard over him for me. He needs you.  
Kyle—you are one of the best friends a girl could ask for. Even when we were going out, you treated me like a person- not just a thing to be owned, but a human being to be respected. Thank you for helping me when I couldn't turn to anyone else, even though you didn't know my motives. I'm sorry for asking it of you, and I'm sorry for forcing you to lie to everyone else on my behalf. But you were there when I needed you, and that's one thing I'm not sorry for.  
  
'While my heart is a shield and I won't let it down  
While I am so afraid to fail so I won't even try  
Well how can I say I'm alive?'  
  
I want you to know that when we dated that you were a fantastic boyfriend, and you're even more phenomenal now. The girl you fall in love with is the luckiest girl in the world, because she has you. I'll miss your trusting face and your stupid Buddha stories you tell to express your philosophies on life. Take care of yourself.  
Isabel—you've matured so much over the course of the past year. You're extraordinary wit and false cynicism have made my days both harder and easier, but it always comforted me to know that if I needed to talk to someone, you were there for me. You've become like a sister to me, in every way that counts.  
  
'Dear Isobel I hope you're well, and what you've done is right  
Oh it's been such hell, I wish you well  
I hope you're safe tonight  
It's been a long day coming and long will it last  
When it's last day leaving, and I'm helping it pass  
By loving you more'  
  
I know you're worried that Alex no longer cares for you, but he does. He loves you and he would bear any burden in an attempt to lessen the load upon your shoulders. Just take a deep breath and tell him how you really feel about him. He's just as lost without you as you are without him.  
Michael—I know underneath that harsh exterior, pretending that you don't care about anyone, is a truly genuine and protective individual. Thank you for never treating me differently, despite what happened. I know you were angry with me and I cannot blame you- I could see the look in your eyes whenever they met with mine, but you never treated me like less than I was.  
  
'If you should stop for a while, you will find me standing by  
Over here, at the side of your life  
I'd like to hold you still, remind you of you've missed  
If you have a little time, if you have a little time that is'  
  
Try not to harp Max too much because he's the 'leader.' I assure you, if he could give it up, he would. Maria is one of the luckiest girls in the universe, and I need you to promise to always take care of her. I can't be there anymore to help smooth things out between the two of you, so try to look at things from her perspective occasionally. Don't be afraid to let her in. I saw a glimpse of the real you and it was beautiful. Trust your judgment.  
Alex—I'm sorry for lying to you. I know that you said you understood, but I promised you I would never lie to you again in that jail cell when you first found out about Max, Michael, and Isabel. But there were extenuating circumstances that were out of my control. It's not an excuse, what I did was wrong and I know that, but it is a fact- one I cannot escape no matter how hard I try.  
  
'If you gave me just a coin for every time we said goodbye  
Well I'd be rich beyond my dreams, I'm sorry for my weary life  
I know I'm not perfect but I can smile  
And I hope that you see this heart behind my tired eyes'  
  
I know you love Isabel, and she loves you too. I can feel it coming off her in waves. You and Maria have been my best friends since we first met. Before we met the others, the three of us were already together. Maria used to swear that we only existed to make each other laugh. I believe that. You're my brother Alex, thank you always making me laugh.  
Maria—I could have never continued on without you. You've kept me sane; you've kept me here longer than I would have stayed were you not here for me. Don't be so hard on Max because of me, it's not his fault. I need to ask one more favor of you- keep them from resorting to panic.  
  
'From behind these walls I hear your song, oh sweet words  
The music that you play lights up my world  
The sweetest that I've heard  
Could it be that I've been touched and turned, oh lord please  
Finally, finally things are changing'  
  
I'm giving you my job in the group: being the listener. Use logic, experiences, and your heart to help the others when they're not sure what to do any longer. As for Michael- you know he loves you. He tells you with every look, every touch, and every smile. Have faith in that. His mouth may not say it, but his heart does. I've left my songs for you. They're in my top desk drawer. Play with them at your leisure. Sing them for me. Perform them for me, and remember that I'm with you, chica. Always.  
Max—God, I love you. I do. I'll proclaim it to the damn mountains if you want, but it won't make any difference. You see, it's because I know you loved me too. The night of Gomez would have been a turning point in our relationship- a positive one had Kyle not been there. I would have succumbed to you.  
  
'So leave your taxi waiting  
And turn and close my door  
And sit back down where you were sitting, a little closer than before  
When you look that serious, it just makes me want you more'  
  
But that couldn't happen, can't happen- even now. I could see how much you loved me, and while it made my heart leap with joy, that was part of the problem. You and I can't live a life where the world could be destroyed around us and we wouldn't notice anything but each other. We both know that's how it would have been if you and I had stayed as we were. You need to put your family first, always. You can't focus on them if you're worrying about me all the time. Do you see that it can't be that way? Things were going downhill before my eyes: the harder Tess pushed your destiny, the more bitter you be came towards her. She would leave Max, and you need her- whether or not you're willing to admit it. She's a part of your unit, your four square, and without her you will be weaker. There's your truth- as much of it as I can give you. I'm sorry I had to make the decision for you. I'm glad that you're moving on with her- you deserve to be happy more than anyone.  
  
'And I've been meaning to tell you  
The closer you get the better I feel  
The closer you are the more I see  
Why everyone says that I look happier  
When you're around the closer you get the better I feel'  
  
Forgive me. I wish I could hug you, kiss you, take comfort in your embrace- just once more. But that would only make it harder to leave. I've left you my journal. Remember when you asked to read it? You asked why you couldn't when I said no. But you understood, even then. It was because of how much of an influence you were in it. I can think of nothing else to leave you with but this. Read it when you've lost your way, when you can't see the dividing lines between your enemies and friends any longer. Michael knows its location. I love you- with every breath and every heartbeat. Thank you for letting me be a part of your life for so long. Thank you for living.  
This letter is my goodbye to all of you- you will never see me again. I will never set foot back in Roswell, and please don't look for me. Even though I've hurt all of you, I'm asking you for mercy. Please don't make it harder for me than it has to be. I don't know how much more I can take. I love you all. You're the best group of people I will ever know, and no one will ever take your places in my heart. I feel I can't say it enough so I'll say it again one last time: I'm sorry.  
Always, Liz"  
  
There was nothing to say. Everyone was thinking the same thing as they wiped away their tears: they had to stop Liz. Denial of the seriousness of the situation kept them from turning to hysteria. A motor cut through the silence like a chainsaw, and they bolted out the door as they saw Liz speed away. The sole chance they needed had presented itself.  
The jeep chased the woman along the highway leading out of town but Max couldn't keep up with her. She was pushing 100mph, and swerving dangerously out of control- seemingly determined to escape the love of her life and her closest companions. Max could only stare in horror when she slowly lifted her hands from the bike's handles, spreading them out evenly with her shoulder blades as though she were trying to fly. Liz raised her head in offering.  
The turn came too fast.  
She didn't lower her arms an inch.  
Max slammed on the brakes as he watched Liz collide with the rail, the bike exploding on impact. Max screamed. 


	23. In the Shadows of Death

A hundred or so feet away, cloaked in the shadows, a pair of pained chocolate eyes closed tightly, and a mouth whispered words of devotion no one else could hear. The figure balled her fists as she turned to go, then fell to her knees as she heard him scream. She staggered to her feet and wiped the tears out of her eyes, then continued on, never allowing herself enough of a liberty to turn and look back. The only thing that cut through the silence was the violent roar of panic in his cry.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOO!"  
  
~finis~ 


	24. Author's PostStory Notes

Author's Notes:  
  
Just to make it perfectly clear: Max still doesn't know about his future self. The only explanation was what Liz gave him in the letter, so she hasn't written anything about TEOTW in the journal she left him.  
  
Okay, don't worry- I have every intention to write a sequel. This story is obviously far from over. Where I plan on going with it, though, is incredibly hazy. That's where you come in. I've got some things planned in the general sense so far: Liz is obviously not dead(and she's coming back a total bad ass, I'll have you know), it's been five years, Tess knows Liz didn't die, Liz is still deathly ill, and a Liz/Max/Zan triangle- Zan never died in MITC and I've always wanted to mess with what Ava told Liz about Zan seeming to be always waiting for someone else to come into his life. Come on, the statement was dripping with implications. Anyways, most of the above are up for adjustments if a better idea comes along. There are a few others, but I don't want to give them away ahead of time. Takes the fun out of shocking people.  
  
I'd like to know what you guys think: anything from whole story concepts down to minute little 5 minute excerpts. Just take the time to email me with your opinions or any questions you have at liz_parker@earthling.net  
  
Also feel free to email me if you haven't heard the songs that I pulled lyrics from and want to know who the artist is. Happy to oblige.  
  
Thanks again to everyone for all of their support and encouragement with this. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one benefiting from my sickly obsessions.  
  
-Ashly 


End file.
